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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Meet our TWO new Pets...

You know how they say that you do not pick out your pets, but rather the pets pick you?

Well, that happened yesterday at our house.

I would like to introduce you to our two new pets, who; despite still having two feet of snow in our area, showed up yesterday:

Our New Pets:

This one's name is: Sonof

And this one's name is: Abitch

Aren't they adorable???!

And these are the things we have already been tortured about learned about our two new houseguests:

1. Both Sonof and Abitch like to fly around and play "Chase".

2. Both Sonof and Abitch like to play hide 'n seek.

3. Both Sonof and Abitch roll over on their backs and laugh hysterically when I bring out my favorite toy to torture them play with them (called the fly-swatter).

4. Both Sonof and Abitch are such economical pets.....they both will eat mostly any shit crap.

5. Both Sonof and Abitch love heights and fly waaaay up high into our log home's loft and make For-the-Love-of-God-make-it-stop buzzing noises to torture entertain us. (How cute is THAT?)

6. Both Sonof and Abitch like to hide and sleep most of the day away and then buzz around at night to be not so funny. Sometimes they even hide where we sleep and come and give us fly-bys at night. (Such pests pranksters!)

7. Both Sonof and Abitch said they are here until I find them and kill them forever. (Isn't that sweet?)

8. Both Sonof and Abitch told us that they are expecting some of their filthy relatives to come and visit after the weather quits frickin' snowing gets even warmer, because they love our house (and us, of course) SO much. (Unconditional love, that's what it is!)

9. It is hard to tell if Sonof is a girl or a boy. It is also hard to tell if Abitch is a girl or a boy. But that is kind of neat, because we have plenty of boys and girls toys at our house they can shit on play with, anyway.

10. Imagine our delight, when our two newest family pests pets were all a-buzz telling us that they are in love, and before long, they will give us grand-pets before fall comes. Good old Sonof, Abitch!!


jessica said...

Did I read that right? TWO feet of snow? Isn't this April, girl? Although I can't point fingers too much, since we have been experiencing some very cold (remember, this is relative) nights. Dear God: I want 70 - 80 degree days, and I want them NOW. Amen. (Patience is a virtue that has mostly eluded me.)

Far Side of Fifty said...

Well they must be real economical to feed LOL:)

The Retired One said...

Jessica: Now, the snow is starting to melt. We have some bare spots, but still a lot of snow in the woods. I pray with you sista!

Far Side: They will be even more economical to feed when I squish them dead, the little boogers!

Insanitykim said...


This was HYSTERICAL! I loved it!

Send this one in...this will SO win!

Laughed my butt totally had me, I thought you had gotten cute pets and then the flies...the names...I loved it.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

You had be going. Even at the name "Sonof". Yes, I am a tad on the slow side today, you might say.

Ann said...

get yourself a can of bug spray and lay in wait for them to zoom by. That is one small puppy, did he and the cat wander in also?

Rick (Ratty) said...

It seems that we have the same taste in pets. I have several of the same kind of little creatures myself. One of them seemed to have an obsession with my face for some reason. Grrrr!

Ramblings by Brandi said...

You crack me up I am rolling on the floor dying laughing. Sonof Abitch that was really good I hate flies there so nasty.

Lisa said...

We finally had the most beautiful sunny springtime day here today and yep 2 flying buggers of other species decided to move in as well. What's the deal with that?

Oh, but no puppy? I really need a puppy fix!

I'm so so sorry you got more snow, oh the misery!

Joanie said...

I saw a few of their cousins here recently. I think my cats ate them.

Loree said...

Oh how I hate flies who come buzzing around during the night. I get really irate. Not that I like their buzzing during the day...but somehow at night it seems worse. Tiresome creatures.

The Retired One said...

Insanity Kim: Thanks, Sweetie! I don't think I could submit this one, though...I don't think they take pictures on the Humor Press contests. ha

Mary: Glad you liked it. Unfortunately, I get their relatives arriving every spring. Last year I got Crapthere and Hereagain too. ha

Grannyann: No, our only pets are Sonof and Abitch, and their days are numbered. ha We did have two sweet cats for years, but they passed away about 5 years ago, and now we travel when we can, so we didn't get any new pets yet.

Ratty: Silly. He is just trying to kiss you.

Ramblings: They love to go on visits to my friends..I have a little purse like Paris Hilton to carry them in. Just let me know when you want them.

Yeah: I KNOW ! As soon spring arrives, here they come. No puppy here as we travel some and we didn't want to get any more pets just now. Our snow is slowly melting now, but there is plenty in the woods yet.

Joanie: Yay Cats! I LOVE I know why.

Loree: In truth, I haven't heard Sonof or Abitch now for two days. I have a suspicion they went up to our loft and thought it was heaven. I think I will find their carcasses when I do some vacuuming. Oh God, please don't call the Humane Society. :-D

rainfield61 said...

I welcome them with an electrical fly-swatter. The "peak peak" sound is so great like burning fire crackers.

Anjanette Young said...

It sure is no fun with their cousins come to my house! They make my 4 year old run around screaming like they are bees!!

That was a very good post!

Carolyn said...

Thank you so much for my morning roll on the floor!
I will be back!

The Retired One said...

Rainfield: I like the idea of an electric fly swatter! Roasted Sonof and Abitch --"tastes like chicken"!

Momma: I know. Once (this is gross) while we spent the night at our inlaw's house, a fly went in my 5 year old's ear. She was was awful. We finally got it out with a pair of tweezers.

Carolyn: you are new here at my blog!! Thanks so much for joining on as a new Follower!! My posts are sometimes funny, sometimes just about life and sometimes not funny. But I like comedy the best..because in this life, humor gets us through!

Kearsie said...


Um, I think your pets have been pooping on my windows. Kindly explain to them that behavior is a no-no. Thank you.

The Retired One said...

Kearsie: I tried to bring them to fly school for the challenged. They kept being delinquents and skipping school, smoking behind the building, picking on the smaller flies...I had to withdraw them from the school, much to my embarrassment. They had a no slap policy, which I did not agree with.

Fran Hill said...

Great post! I laughed out loud at the names. Very, very funny, Retired One. I love your blog. I always smile BEFORE I get to it, because I know it will be good.

The Retired One said...

Fran: What a sweet thing to tell me! You are the BEST. I love to laugh and to make people laugh. Sometimes people are surprised that I am not always funny in my blog posts, though. I do have a serious side, sometimes! But I try to look at life with humor because it really does make everything so much more fun in life.

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I retired in June 2008 and started my blog in November 2008. I worked at several jobs as a Registered Nurse prior to retirement. I LOVE being retired! Blogging has offered me a whole new venue to start writing again and to share new hobbies such as gardening, birdwatching and sharing my nature photography. If you like my blog, PLEASE click on "follow this blog". Having a lot of followers reading my blog gives me incentive to continue to do photography and to continue to write. I also LOVE comments, so I encourage you to leave me a comment after you read my posts. Thanks everyone, for taking the time to read me!!

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