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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

More Local Police News to Report...!!!

Here is another of our infamous local police news reports (and of course MY THOUGHTS to go with it!):

First one: female leaning over bike, crying.

Now, this could be for several reasons:

a. She is exhausted and so out of shape, she is like me.

b. She just had an argument with her significant other, and after peddling her ass off, she still regrets it.

c. She is crying because she doesn't know how to ride this damn bike and wondering what to do next.

d. She is a play-yah and hoping some hotty guy will come along and ask her WHY she is crying.

e. She is so damn happy to be alive she burst into grateful tears, only to have her world crash around her when some idiot reported her to the police and thereby ruining her day. Thanks. Thanks a hellevua lot is what she is now thinking.

Second one:

elderly man collecting cans.

1. For God's sake, the man might have been broke and collecting the cans to eat. So, why did they report him, the insensitive bastards.

2. He is trying to green up America...and what happens? Someone reports him to the police. Gheesh!

3. He was the hottie that went to see why the woman on the bike was crying. That's why she was crying and he went back to his business after being shot down.

4. So now it is against the law to make a living?

5. Again, I probably dated him once. (Sigh).

Stay tuned for more exciting local police reports in future posts!!! (The world isn't more exciting than this, folks!)


DKG aka Scrappy Doo said...

can't believe some one would call the cops on the poor guy.
some people

Roshni said...

you forgot the most significant part..'unwanted' elderly man!! Wow!! That would sting if he read it...isn't that outrageous?!!

Ann said...

I really don't know how you manage to live in a place with such horrific crime waves.
An unwanted drunk and a raccoon in a trap that you didn't mention just emphasizes why you need to move to a less stressful place.

Insanitykim said...

Maybe the chick stole the bike from the old man, and she was having instant guilt, which impeded her getaway, and the old man was collecting cans to throw at her in order to knock her off the bike and get it back, but unfortunately he was collecting cans out of the recycle bin, so they both got busted for stealing. I don't know. Just a theory...

Shelley said...

There must be a lot of nosey neighbors up there with their faces glued to their front windows! I would've asked the crying girl if she was okay (not call the police 1st) and and I would've let the elderly man collect the cans - sheesh! give the old man a break! he might need the $.

Rick (Ratty) said...

I think I feel sorry for both people. Men are suckers for a crying woman, and the poor old guy shouldn't have to resort to collecting cans. Neither one should have the cops called on them. Only if it's for assistance. They should see why she is crying, and then collect his cans for him. That's better than gorging themselves on donuts and harassing innocent people.

Bernie said...

Thank you for my "nightly" laugh, what an imagination you have. Have a great day tomorrow......Bernie

Loree said...

Poor guy. I've seen some people do weirder things and not get reported to the police.

The Retired One said...

Scrappy: He probably looked a little scruffy, and out of fear and ignorance, they called the police. Poor guy.

Roshni: I know! I would love to know who it was that called it in.

Grannyann: Most people in our town still never lock their houses or cars when they are around and about. It is a mecca of crime. ha

Insanity Kim: that theory would work if we had a recycling bin. ha

Shellmo: I know! Knowing me, I would have given him all my cans and offered the girl a ride. ha

Ratty: Exactly! Although the police here are pretty good about not harassing anyone. They may eat donuts however. ha

Bernie: You are welcome. I don't need much imagination when the local police reports provide me with such free entertainment! :-D

Loree: Ok, that means you need to blog about them!!!

Kearsie said...

I am thinking she's crying because she's psychic and knows that in just a little while her bike is going to be stolen and then found with a bunch of other stolen bikes in a garage.

Or maybe she's on the crack pipe.

Lisa said...

I wish my local paper did something like this! It's hilarious! I wonder how the paper chooses that ads to run next to the police blotter though "Dead River"... "Get Plowed"... coincidence?!

The Retired One said...

Kearsie: Perhaps both! ha

Yeah: They are sometimes so weird that I have to read them twice to make sure I really read them correctly. I have been saving them since last year, so there will be more on my blog..I do one about once every couple weeks. The truth is sometimes funnier than anything I could make up!

jessica said...

Ya know what my eyes were immediately drawn to, in that newspaper clipping? The ad for Dead River Coffee! And to think that they actually chose that name - in the immortal words of Dr. Phil, "How's that workin' for ya?"

The Retired One said...

Jessica: There actually is a river in Marquette called the Dead River. I have no idea why someone would use it for an ad for a coffee shop. Believe it or not, it is a popular spot. I think locals get it, but folks out of town wouldn't have a clue and never go there. :-D

Elizabeth said...

My favorite is the 'unwanted drunk subject at residence'.

Our police blotter in this city would read more like:
drive by shooting
body found
drive by shooting
more bodies found
drive by shooting
carjacking (just to shake things up a bit)
drive by shooting
and even more bodies found

The Retired One said...

GeeLizzie: Are you new to my blog? Welcome aboard! Sign on as a Follower, if you have not already done so!
Funny comment. Where do you live? A big city I bet? Be careful!!!

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I retired in June 2008 and started my blog in November 2008. I worked at several jobs as a Registered Nurse prior to retirement. I LOVE being retired! Blogging has offered me a whole new venue to start writing again and to share new hobbies such as gardening, birdwatching and sharing my nature photography. If you like my blog, PLEASE click on "follow this blog". Having a lot of followers reading my blog gives me incentive to continue to do photography and to continue to write. I also LOVE comments, so I encourage you to leave me a comment after you read my posts. Thanks everyone, for taking the time to read me!!

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