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Friday, May 15, 2009

Be Careful Not to Hurt Yourself

Have you seen the ads for the new Victoria Secret BioFit "Seven Way" Bra?:

This is of great concern to me for several reasons.

What Reasons? (you ask??)

Oh yeah, you know how I am. You know what is coming, don't you??:

Here are MY TOP TEN concerns about this new bra:

1. It costs almost $50 dollars! Yes, you read right. I guess if you break it down, it is approximately $25.00 per boob.

2. Any bra that comes with a manual on how to wear it is waaaaay too complicated for me.

3. Seven ways? Let me can wear it strapless, crisscross in front, crisscross in back, over left shoulder, over right shoulder...what are the other two? Maybe you gotta flip wrap a strap around an armpit and then attach it to the bra? Or, whip a strap around your neck and then fasten it to the bra? ( I am too afraid to see how else you can wear it.)

4. OMG. I can picture myself trying to put it on. I mean, you learn as a young girl to gymnastically snap it together backwards, twirl it around and then lean forward and tuck 'em into the cups. How do you do this one? Don't they know that some of us are getting older and that leaning over to strap it in seven different ways or straining our shoulders to adjust straps in weird angles will mean a visit to the Chiropractor? (or permanent shoulder displacement?)

5. Once you get it on, how on earth do you get it OFF by yourself???

6. Do you really NEED 7 ways to wear your bra? What kind of clothes are you buying? Do you need a top that shows that much skin (in weird places) that you have to use a manual to see how to wear your bra so the straps don't show?

7. Maybe it is made for those into bondage?

8. If your Significant Other gets frisky, this will be the end of that. He will NEVER figure out how to get that little number undone. Maybe it is really a method of birth control (to kill the mood?)

9. They named it Biofit? First of all, no bras really "fit" do they? And to preface it with the preface of "bio" (like it is a living organism)? I don't think so. Kinda creepy. And now, there is a bra that really won't fit in SEVEN different ways. Yippee Yi Yay!

10. Do men have jock straps that are made to put on in seven different ways? Why the hell not?

Picture it! A seven-way Jockstrap!
Well, equal rights. That's what I say!!!!


J.J. in L.A. said...

I cut out the middle man and don't wear one. ; ) At least not near my man. He's easily frustrated.

Insanitykim said...

And when you have implants, like most models do, can VS REALLY say this bra is holding everything in place? Cause I am sure one of my saggy water balloon boobs would slip out and get tangled in the straps, and I bet the Jaws of Life and some BUTTER (gutter brain) would have to be brought in to save my boob from turning gang green from excessive strangulation. A man made this bra. I say burn it.

Lisa said...

Holy Crap! What the heck is that all about?! I surely don't need to throw my back out just to hold the girls steady! Well my girls aren't much trouble to hold steady anyway. Maybe if I had really big girls? Oh forget it, no thank you!

DKG aka Scrappy Doo said...

LOL The 7 way Jockstap hahahahahahahaha!!!!
That bra scares me

efaqffqaewfm said...

Amen to that! I just shop at Target... $40-$50 for a bra blows my mind...

Bernie said...

Too funny, thanks for the laugh. Have a great day.....:-) Bernie

pehpot said...

I am freaking out! but wait! you say maybe it's a new method of birth control.. can I have one?LOL

Bev said...

I was laughing before I had even started reading, I just seemed to know what witty remarks were coming. I can just imagine a frisky partner and the strap lets go and catapolts around the body and flicks him in the eye. Like something from a comedy show. Lol

A New England Life said...

Ha haa!!! The bra sounds silly to me too but there's no way I'm spending $50 on any bra anyway.

I honestly can't say I've ever seen a man in a jock strap so I can't imagine the 7 way thing ... unless one strap goes over his shoulder, one goes around his neck ... lol!

Have a good Saturday Retired On!


Fran Hill said...

Can't wait for the matching pants to come out. Escapology for the bladderly-challenged, or what?

Anonymous said...

What a hoot! I've seen that thing on TV and knew right away it was not meant for Yooper women. My girls would NOT feel at home in that thing and they for sure would bounce all over as I mow. Now, it they make a bra out of an elastic wrap (like for a sprain), THEN they will have something! The sports bras do nothing for riding a mower either.

Lynn Kellan said...

Hi Joan,
Frankly, I think the BioFit was secretly designed for girls who have 3 boobs.

Unknown said...

I would strangle myself with this one. It would also scare my husband as well if he saw me wearing one like this.
I say no bra to this! If I have to wear something like that under a particular tank top or dressy outfit, fuhgetaboutit!

Lesley said...

You are so funny - and so right! I'm happy if I can find a bra that fits ONE way. Maybe I'd feel differently if I owned more off-the-shoulder-strapless-criss-cross clothing.

The Retired One said...

JJ: be careful, if don't wear one, he'll soon have to reach for your ankles to say hi to the girls.

Insanity: I am sure a man made this bra, but I really don't want to burn him. Oh, maybe you meant to burn the BRA. My bad.

Yeah: Well, if you have small girls they won't even fit into the cups, so it would be "slip and slide" (and strangle) time!

Scrappy: god hates a coward. Oh, but if God is a man, this must be a "test". I failed.

VaBookworm: I heard you can get the Target version: Two shoelaces and velcro. Go nuts. You may find more than 7 ways like McGuyver! ha

Bernie: Thanks, I hope I had you envisioning 7 way jockstraps all day :-D

Pehpot: Just say no. (to the 7 way bra that is!)

Bev: I would have loved to seen an "I Love Lucy" show on this one. It would be right up there with the well known Chocolate Factory one, I am sure.

Sharon: Well, I can send you a man with a jock strap to entertain you for your next birthday, if you want.

Fran: Maybe they will look like a jockstrap? (with uncomfortable, stiff and pokey lace of course).

Cathy: Oh, you haven't heard of the Mower Bra? It is attached to Struts on your mower. Hurts So Good.

Lynn: Maybe that is why they had those extra 2 ways to wear it?

DVM: If you are perky enough to not wear a bra, my hat (I mean bra) is off to you! You are a lucky woman.

Lesley: Look at the Sluts are Us catalog, you will find the clothes there to go with the bra. :-D

Loree said...

That was funny and believe me, I needed the laugh.

Judy said...

This is hilarious. Just give me a plain, old bra or none at all! lol. Like they say, Victoria's Secret is that only very young, thin girls can wear their products.

Julie D said...

I seriously want to meet the man who can master a 7 way jockstrap. I might fall in love!

The Retired One said...

Loree: So glad I gave you a laugh. Sometimes I have to make fun of those things that are so obvious to make fun of. ha

Judy: I agree. A plain old bra (well, ok, maybe a little lace too) is fine with me! They don't even go above a 40 and I use a 42 or 44C!

Julie: I would like to see that too! ha Can you share him?

grammy said...

Funny. My friend and I were having coffee and looking at a magizine and saw that ad... we both said WHY?

The Retired One said...

Grannyann: To make money, I am sure that was their motive.ha

Rick (Ratty) said...

I don't know about any of the other reasons not to have it, but looking at the picture, it looks like that thing would restrict a woman's breathing.

The Retired One said...

Ratty: you are correct ;-D I see you didn't say anything about the jock strap idea. (hahaaaaa)

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Now that's just too much. Three ways, maybe. Seven freaking ways?!??!

Maybe it's made so you can wear the cups in the back, in case you're flat in front, so the cups can hold your shoulder blades in place...

The Retired One said...

Mary: I know! Waaaaay too fussy for me! I like your idea of a shoulder blade holder. ha

jessica said...

Let's see. You were talking about what other 2 ways this thing could be worn. How about the conventional way, plus the halter-top way? I just recently got a flyer from Macy's for bras, and they mentioned some high-falutin' types in there, also. As for going braless - take it from me, even tho' I am small, I AM paying the price for lettin' the girls have their freedom for too many years! Now I look much better IN my clothes than out of them.

The Retired One said...

Jessica: Wouldn't the halter top way be the same as strapless as mentioned? But I didn't count the "conventional" way, so I still don't know the 7th?! yes, the older I get the less perky they become. Damn that gravity!

Far Side of Fifty said...

I saw this bra on TV..I said "What?" Who is crazy now? They have not desiged a comfortable bra yet and now they design one that you can wear seven ways. Of course when they handed out boobs, I stood in line too long..or made to many trip I doubt that I will ever find a comfortable bra:(

The Retired One said...

Far Side: I know. I try one on at the store and think, Oh..maybe THIS one will be comfortable. I take it home, and after wearing it about 2 hours, I am tugging on it. (sigh!)

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I retired in June 2008 and started my blog in November 2008. I worked at several jobs as a Registered Nurse prior to retirement. I LOVE being retired! Blogging has offered me a whole new venue to start writing again and to share new hobbies such as gardening, birdwatching and sharing my nature photography. If you like my blog, PLEASE click on "follow this blog". Having a lot of followers reading my blog gives me incentive to continue to do photography and to continue to write. I also LOVE comments, so I encourage you to leave me a comment after you read my posts. Thanks everyone, for taking the time to read me!!

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