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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Burger King's New Burger: "The Angry Burger": Are They Kidding?

Have you seen the ads or been to Burger King lately?

I thought it couldn't get worse for them after they introduced the Creepy Burger King guy. (How many others of you got creeped out by him other than me?)
Well, their newest media announcement is that they now offer "The Angry Burger".


Evidently, it is a burger full of hot seasonings like onions, peppers and a hot sauce.

So, this begs the question:
What other emotion-themed or crazy-themed burgers will they promote next?

I can see the TEN TOP Contenders for the next new BK Burger now:

1. The PMS Burger: a meaty little number filled with bovine hormones. Causes the eater to experience wild mood-swings, water retention, breast tenderness and hot flashes. This will make "The Angry Burger" seem like a wimp.

2. The George W.Bush Burger: stale, tough burger with a sour look that will give you a bitter aftertaste. After eating one, you will immediately wish it farewell forever and never want to have another.

3. The Obama Burger: A fresh burger full of multi-cultural spices, worth every penny. When you taste one, it will remove all of the bitter aftertaste (from the Bush Burger). You can eat the whole thing, YES YOU CAN.

4. The "Randy" Burger: A burger that will "grow on you", and work better than Viagra. Better than Austin Powers, Baby!

5. The Mary Wanna Burger: This tasty burger will remind you of your college days. When you get done reefing one of these down, life will immediately look better to you and you will instantly get a case of the munchies and compulsively order a large order of fries to go with it.

6. The Tom Cruise Burger: If you regularly eat this burger, created by a Nutrition Scientologist, you will no longer need to take your antidepressant. Only weak people need an antidepressant. You are a horrible person if you say you are depressed. All you need is this burger and only this burger. There is no room for discussion about this burger, you are just being glib if you want to talk about this burger.

7. The Rain Man Burger: They offer this on Fridays. On Fridays. Only on Fridays. Offer is on Fridays. On Fridays. I can't go on Tuesday, they offer it on Fridays. They offer this on Fridays.

8. The Oprah Burger: Sometimes you get a lean burger, sometimes it is a little more "full-bodied" with some extra fat added. Whenever you order one, you get the Politics Meal along with a free Obama doll, whether you want it or not. Over and over. If you refuse to get the doll, you are forced to listen to a ten minute, emotional description of the Obama doll from the Burger King counter staff until you give in and just tell them to give you the damn doll.

9. The LOST Burger: You are sure you experienced the burger, but now it has just completely disappeared. You aren't sure if you just had a flashback to eating the burger, or if the burger was an image of the future. In fact, the lady you just sat with to eat the burger (that you thought was someone you just met) turns out to be your future adopted child's grandmother. Or maybe you are (in reality) dead from the plane trip you took (where it crashed) and the burger and you aren't real after all.

10. The Angelina Burger: After you order one of these babies, you will want another and another and another. Don't worry, you will still remain beautiful after eating all of them. In fact, you may want yet another. Actually, this burger is the Pitts.

Oh, the list is endless....................


Insanitykim said...

Oh my...this is hysterical. I am overwhelmed with commentary.

1. Of course, we can sigh a bit of relief, as this burger will only be visiting for 2 weeks out of the month.

2. & 3. wrote "Bush Burger" and I couldn't think brain exploded from the alternative visual I got.

6. & 8.(& 9.) I wouldn't eat these burgers if I were LOST on an Island and they were the only things left to eat. Worse than these burgers would be meeting either said person in a dark alley. (they are aliens, you KNOW that, right?)

10. I love this burger so much, I will keep some of it in a vial around my neck, and tattoo on my shoulder the exact price and geographical location of where I ate it.

w said...

first rule of the angelina burger. you don't talk about the angelina burger.

Ratty said...

Great, funny post! I like the part about the Oprah burger. I think I may have had one of those.

Sara said...

You had my husband and I laughing so hard. All of the burgers were so funny. Especially, the Bush burger, that is so true!
Have a good night

Cheeky Greek said...

Ok, I'm hooked on your blog. You are hilarious! I think the Rain Man and the Lost burgers were my favorite....oh, and the PMS. I think the reason that they came up with the Angry burger with all the "crazy" peppers is to kill all the parasites in their meat. Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

I absolutely hate the Burger King guy. He seriuosly makes my skin crawl. Kids are probably scared by him when the commercials come on.

Anonymous said...

#7 and #9


dreamwalker said...

LMAO...I can't decide which burger I want.

Insanitykim said...

I just want to point out I am the one who told you to enter that contest, because I have an eye for talent, see...

This was the best post to enter! It should have been first!!!

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The Retired One said...

Anonymous: Glad you like my blog. I have gotten more into photography now than narratives on the blog, but every now and then I do some humor too. Hope you revisit it again soon.

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I retired in June 2008 and started my blog in November 2008. I worked at several jobs as a Registered Nurse prior to retirement. I LOVE being retired! Blogging has offered me a whole new venue to start writing again and to share new hobbies such as gardening, birdwatching and sharing my nature photography. If you like my blog, PLEASE click on "follow this blog". Having a lot of followers reading my blog gives me incentive to continue to do photography and to continue to write. I also LOVE comments, so I encourage you to leave me a comment after you read my posts. Thanks everyone, for taking the time to read me!!

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