Customer Service?...NOT!

I so admire my husband.

He just bought an expensive planer at a major home improvement center. (I won't name it because we could get sued). But, it ryhmes with sews.

He bought it in February, and as you may recall (if you are a regular reader), we were gone for 3 weeks in February on a cross country trip to Florida. He has used it maybe for 3 or 4 different times since we got back.

Yesterday, he turned it on and it ran fine, but it would not feed the boards into the planer to be planed. He tried everything. He checked the manual. He cleaned it out. He let it rest and tried again. Nope, it would not feed the boards in.

Luckily, I keep receipts for all of our purchases for about a year (or the length of a warranty, at least). So, we are pretty confident that we can probably return the planer for a new one that works, since it is practically brand new.

So, he calls the HIC (home improvement center that rhymes with sews) and asks if he can return it. He gets someone who hims and haws and then puts him on hold to get someone ELSE to talk to him.

Let's stop right there for a moment, shall we?

Now, if it was ME, I would not call them! I would've shown up, sweaty, frustrated and with a wheelbarrow hauling ass with that contraption in it and I would have plopped in down in front of the return desk and handed them the receipt and opened my wallet for my return.

Oh. No.

He patiently and apologetically explains his dilemma to who answers the phone and asks for assistance as to whether or not (get this): they would consider repairing it. (Picture me, in the background, squirming in my seat, sighing loudly and waving my arms to say return it, damn it! It is NOT YOUR FAULT their crappy, cheaply made planer couldn't take 20 boards through it!).

So the HIC person tells him to call the manufacturer to see if THEY can tell us HOW TO FIX IT! (Are you frickin' kidding me?: I am thinking! Why can't we just return it and get a new one?)!!

So he THANKS the HIC person and dials the manufacturer and promptly gets a menu of choices on the phone. (You know the drill: push 1 if you are calling about your bill, push 2 if you are a distributer...etc. Push 114 if you are my mother-in-law...)

So he patiently wades his way through a zillion of these, and is told (as a last directory choice!), to leave his name and number and "someone will get back to you". He does it! And. Waits. And.

Waits.

After an hour or two, someone does call him, he relates to them a blow by blow description of how he tried this and that, and they tell him they can't help him, and to find "the closest repair place that accepts their product for repair." He asks them for a list of places near where we live.

The closest place listed is 55 miles away. He THANKS them and hangs up.

He then calls back the HIC and explains that after waiting for quite some time, he was told that the closest place to get it repaired is 55 miles away, and he doesn't think that is possible. The HIC person STILL hims and haws and says he will have someone call us back.

I. AM. NOT. KIDDING.

So he again waits. And waits. And waits.

By now, I am steaming. I am ranting about just loading the damn thing in our car and leaving it off at the HIC Manager's front yard.

Dont' get me wrong. I used to work in Quality Assurance at a hospital. I had calls all the time from angry patients or angry doctors about how they think they should have gotten better service while in the hospital. I was kind. I listened. But I always...ALWAYS tried to do everything in my power to make them satisfied. But I always did the leg work, the investigation and I always explained what I could do to help them. I always gave the best service possible.

Can you imagine this scenario in the healthcare system? I can hear it now:

Patient: Um, I am calling about this knee you replaced. It won't support my leg. I just got it put in during surgery 30 days ago, I have the medical bills to prove it.

Me: Here, I will give you the manufacturer of your prosthetic knee replacement, and you can call them to see if you can get it repaired at their factory.

Patient: I tried that from the last time you called, I only get foreign speaking people, who didn't call me back. When I recalled them, they said the nearest manufacturer of the knee replacement is in China. I don't think that is reasonable.

Me: Look. The Surgeon will have to call you back. You can't return it, you have stood on it for 30 days. You're outta luck, sorry.

Patient: Why can't I return and get a new one?

Me: I am sorry, I will have God call you back on that one. But, don't expect a call anytime soon...he is a little busy. Lotsa calls about heart transplants that are giving folks some problems.

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Anyway, he FINALLY got a return call a few minutes after from the HIC Manager.

What did the HIC Manager say?:

He said HE was going to call the manufacturer to see a way for MY HUSBAND to fix the planer.

What did my husband say?:

Ok, just call me back when you hear from them.

By now, I am doing CARTWHEELS of anger.

I get so frustrated, I go and take a shower.

After over an hour, the HIC Manager FINALLY calls and says: "Gee, I was on hold for quite a while with the manufacturer before they finally got to me. I guess they don't know how to have you fix it. So, I GUESS you can bring it in tomorrow and we will replace it for you."

My husband? What did he say?:

He apologizes that he no longer has the original box, but says he does have the receipt, and asks: is that OK????

OH LORD!!!!!!!

When THE FORCE gave out patience to this family, I think my husband got it all.

Me, with this incident?:

Not so much...