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Monday, August 17, 2009

More Dumb State Laws!

Yes, it is time again for More Dumb State Laws!!!! (and MY COMMENTS in bold italics ).

Next up?

The great state of Colorado!!





1. One may not mutilate a rock in a state park. Well, how do you mutilate a rock? I can write on it, or roll it, but how on earth would I mutilate a rock? Maybe Superman or the Incredible Hulk can help me out here.

2. It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3. Wait a minute. Does that mean that they don't sell six packs in any grocery stores in Colorado? Do the beer companies know this? And, if I get the munchies while buying my liquor, I can't even get a Slim Jim? Man, anyone who wants to have a party must have to run all over the county to get what they need. Hey buddy, do you wanna come and watch the football game and slam down a three-pack?

3. No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days. Now that just isn't humane not to be able to buy liquor on an ELECTION DAY. Isn't that when most Americans need it most?

4. It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence. Do the cowboys in Colorado know this? Hey, I have been to a rodeo or two in my day, and you gotta drink before you get bounced around on those horses!

4. Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses. Whew! I am SO glad at least ONE state made this legal. So now: I gotta buy all my pillows in Colorado and rip the tags off there and then take them home to be legal.

5. In Alamosa: Throwing missles at cars is illegal. Don't you think this should be a FEDERAL law? Who is with me on this one?


6. Also in Alamosa: Keeping a house where unmarried persons are allowed to have sex is prohibited. Do the landlords in Colorado know this? Because I am pretttttty sure that this law is being broken all OVER Colorado.

7. Also in Alamosa: Persons may not urinate in public. Thank goodness! I appreciate the fact that I don't have to watch people pee in public if I drive through there. They must have had rampant pee-ers in town to necessitate passing a law against it, though. (The singles not allowed to have sex in a house were pissed off).


8. In Arvada: Establishments which sell alcohol must have enough lighting to read text inside them. As it should be. I mean, you have to be able to see the worm in the Tequilla bottle. But who checks this? The bartenders? "Excuse me, Sir. I cannot serve you another shot until you hold it up to the newspaper and read me the small print."????


9. In Boulder: It is legal to challenge a police officer, but only until he or she asks you to stop. So let me get this straight. I can flip off a cop or yell out "Ha ha, I am NOT speeding!" while I pass them doing 80 mph and they can't do anything about it unless (s)he has stopped me and then I do it? (I am not THAT stupid!)


10, Also in Boulder: It is illegal to permit ones llama to graze on city property. How else are they supposed to keep their grass short? Geez, llamas are gentle, and they are cute. Why not???


11. Also in Boulder: Boulders may not be rolled on city property. Well, it is BOULDER. Maybe they are sensitive on what you do with boulders in Boulder. Although, it doesn't say anything about mutilating a boulder in BOULDER.

12. Also in Boulder: Couches may not be placed on outside porches. Sounds like Jeff Foxworthy has been to town. You know you are redneck when you have a couch on your porch! Hell yeah!


13. In Colorado Springs: It is permissable to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays. Okay, now this is really ruining Election Day for me. No liquor and no holstered six guns!? And not on Christmas either??? They are ruining all my fun. Do the cowboys know this too?


14. In Cripple Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building. Dang, I can't bring my horse in the elevator? Doesn't it make you wonder WHY they had to make this law in the first place?


15. In Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park. So the dogs in Denver can READ????


16. Also in Denver: It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. So this must be the home of Hoover and Electrolux vacuum cleaner companies? No lending out your vacuums to your neighbors there....let the cheap bastards buy their OWN vacuums, dangumit!


17. Also In Denver: You may not drive a black car on Sundays. So there are no dead bodies being picked up in black hearses on Sundays, then? Just let them rot in place and we will pick them up on Monday, M'am. We can't bring out the hearse on Sundays. Oh, and if the President comes on Sunday, please ask them to drive the pink limos...


18. It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado. How do they DEFINE "mistreat"? No D-con in Denver? What do they do, call in the Pied Piper?


19. In Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes “unbecoming” on one’s sex. Again, who DEFINES "unbecoming"? Do they call in Stacey and Clinton from "What Not to Wear"? And how do they handle and figure out what is unbecoming for the transvestites there?


20. In Logan County: It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep. At last, someone to protect us from those sneaky lip smacking men in Logan County. I sure hope that Sleeping Beauty didn't live there...because she'd still be waiting for Prince Charming to get her out of that nasty spell.


21. In Louisville: Residents may not own chickens, but may own up to three turkeys. That is so discriminating to the chickens. They deserve good homes. Oh well, the KFC's will just have to cook turkey instead.

22. In Pueblo: It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits. I can see it now...people peering out from behind their curtains watching to see if the neighbors are illegally popping dandelions in their lawns. Home owners running out in the middle of the night with a pair of scissors clipping the first dandelion coming up, in fear of going to prison.


23. In Sterling: Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight. SAY WHAT???? Let me re-read this little jewel! Cat's need to be fitted with a TAILLIGHT?? Does it need turn signals? Let's see...fluffy must be heading to the laundry room, honey....I saw her right taillight blinking. Wonder if she will make those little beeping sounds when she backs her ass up to the litter box??? "No honey, she is not purring, that is her blinker". Bwaaahaaaaa......


24. In Vail: It is illegal to crash into obstacles on a ski slope. Well, aren't they snobs in Vail? I don't think I will ski there. Come to think of it, I don't know HOW to ski! Believe me, if I skiied in Vail, I'd pretty much crash into everything and everything would be an obstacle.


25. Also in Vail: No one may keep junk close to someone else. Hear this, all men out there. Don't be putting your 'junk' close to anyone else...you hear that? I hate having a man's junk too close without him asking me if its okay. Don't you? Would his junk be considered an obstacle in Vail?

22 comments:

Alan Burnett said...

That is brilliant. Thanks for the laugh. What a collection - I can dine out on some of these for weeks.

Bernie said...

Joan what a great way to start my day....a chuckle with Joan....I love these post, some of these laws are unbelievable.
Thanks for the offer of picture, now if I only could choose one, I have narrowed it down to eagle, water crashing on rocks or sunset. They are all so beautiful, but I think a good print of water crsahing on rocks would be lovely. I so appreciate your kind offer and spent hours (enjoyed every minute of it) yesterday looking at all your beautiful pictures...the decision was really hard.....:-) Hugs

The Retired One said...

Alan: I have been going alphabetically through the states, so stay tuned for more coming through the weeks ahead!

Bernie: Glad you liked them. I will get you a print of crashing water within a few weeks or so. I will be going out for a few more trips out to the lakes before winter, so I will wait until I take some future pictures of crashing waves and by the end of fall I will email you the choices you can pick from. How's that? It will be my pleasure. Is an 8X10 what you want or bigger?

manker said...

read em and weep.. or rather laugh.. thanx

gp

Brittany said...

Crap I can't go snowboarding in Vail now. My junk aka butt is huge. It not only gets in my way but everyone else. Seriously huge, so how do I keep it out of anyone's way? Dang gotta cross this off my list of places I want to go.

As always - love the dumb laws and your awesome commentary!

Carol said...

Number 3 really gets me. I usually drink heavy after I vote. I guess not living in Colorado is the answer. Ha

DJan said...

I lived in Boulder for 36 years, and I know where some of those laws came from, funny as they are. The college students put couches on their porches and when they left town, they would set them on fire.

Colorado doesn't allow liquor to be sold in grocery stores if it has more than 3% alcohol. So why bother? People from out of state don't realize when they see the beer in the grocery store that it's only near-beer.

Thanks for the memories!

Brian Miller said...

these posts always kill me...no liquor or guns on election days...definitely a rule passed by the politicians. at what point does a rock become a boulder? if i roll it and it falls apart is that considered mutilation as well and can i be charged with both? what if my llama does it.

Joanie M said...

That law about not serving or buying alcohol on election day is in place in a lot of states. Until a few years ago, bars couldn't open until 8 pm on election day and restaurants weren't allowed to sell any alcoholic beverage until 8 pm. That is when the polls close. The reason for that is, years ago, crooked politicians (can you IMAGINE???) would go to bars, get the drunks and take them to the polling places and get them to vote for that person! Or they'd ply folks with drinks and do the same thing.

Lesley said...

I'm pretty sure all of these laws are being broken right now in Texas. Further evidence that we need to do everyone a favor and secede.

L. D. Burgus said...

I am just amazed about these, and yet our little town is busy creating stupid laws every time someone has an ax to grind. I just heard today that we have a dog barking ordinance. I can't figure out who is gong to decide what is good and bad barking of a dog, and do all our dogs need to have muzzles so as not to get into trouble? Barking is the way a dog communicates, and is the dog allowed to bark inside his house or is that also being monitored? When the start dealing with cats meowing, I am going to move out of town. I like your blogs on laws, you enjoy writing them and I enjoy reading them. Have a good day.

Jan's Place USA and Mt Forest Pictures said...

that was so funny... I will ahve to follow you to stay tuned in for the next round of laws!

Loree said...

Oh LOL. You can't mistreat rats?? Some of these outdated laws provide me with lots of giggles.

Sue said...

These are always such a hoot. And I gotta agree with you -election day IS when we need booze and firearms. Maybe THEN we would get some results!

Cathy Clementz said...

About riding that horse under the influence...are you sure that they horse isn't the one to be worried about? Maybe someone slipped a little hops in with his oats??

Where DO you come up with these?? HA!

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

It's interesting to see how state's laws reflects their geography. We have no rock or horse laws where I live.

Yee-Haw!

Ratty said...

I make it a personal rule to rip off every tag from any mattress or pillow I buy. I am a daring rebel! If I moved to Colorado I would just be normal. And I want to find the cat tail light store. I want to start putting tail lights on every cat I see.

The Retired One said...

Manker: I don't remember you commenting before...are you new to my blog? Did you sign on yet as a Follower??? Please do so!

Brittany: Padunkadunk is way different than junk. You can go there. Booty is allowed. HA

Carol: D-Jan says that is 3% not 3 total beers...and election day was because politicians would try and go to bars, get people drunk and then they'd vote for those politicians. I think they must do it the day before now. ha

D-Jan: Oh..it's 3 PERCENT?? The article I got this left off the percent, so it really sounded like only 3 total. I wondered myself about that one! Geez, why were all the college students arsonists when they left school?

Brian: GREAT! Now I will have visions of llamas rolling boulders. thanks. Thanks alot. :-}

Joanie: Now they just bribe them with money or false promises. ha (Or get them drunk the day before at the fundraising parties and they still go to the polls drunk. HA

Lesley: Oh, I can't wait to get to the "T"'s so I can cover Texas laws. THAT ought to be fun!

L.D.: A no barking law, huh? Oh Boy. Make sure you whisper that into your dog's ears, so he knows. They would need a no swearing law for humans for yelling at the barking dogs too, then. *grin*

Jan's Place: PLEASE do! I LOVE new readers. I do all kinds of regular articles you may like. I do local police reports, too which you may find funny. I would love it if you would become a Follower.

Loree: So glad you like them. I find them so bizarre, I just HAVE to share them with all of you.

Sue: It couldn't get any worse, right?

Cathy: True enough. A drunk horse would be pretty funny. And I wouldn't want to deal with a horse with a hangover, either.

Lynn: they'd have rock laws here, our area has lots of rocky cliffs. And maybe we would need deer or moose laws here. When I do Michigan laws, we will find out. ;-}

Ratty: There is a new entrepreneur idea....we can go into business together selling cat taillights. ha

A Brit in Tennessee said...

Sheez (shaking my head) where do they come up with these ?
I must admit I've not stopped laughing since I read the very first one, what a collection :)
I'm sure Tennessee has just as many dumb laws, I shall have to do a little research.
Thanks for the giggles ;}

The Retired One said...

Brit: I know! There are some for every state! I am going to feature them alphabetically every week or so on my blog...so Tennessee will be coming when I get that far in the alphabet...stay tuned!

Kearsie said...

You know, this is weird, because we plan to move to Colorado next year. I'll have to remember to bust out my guns and keep my Buick at home on Sundays.

The Retired One said...

Kearsie: you are moving to Colorado? Oh...you will have so much beauty to capture on camera! I have always wanted to go there to see the mountains! Sell your black car before you move, so you can go somewhere on Sundays. ha

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I retired in June 2008 and started my blog in November 2008. I worked at several jobs as a Registered Nurse prior to retirement. I LOVE being retired! Blogging has offered me a whole new venue to start writing again and to share new hobbies such as gardening, birdwatching and sharing my nature photography. If you like my blog, PLEASE click on "follow this blog". Having a lot of followers reading my blog gives me incentive to continue to do photography and to continue to write. I also LOVE comments, so I encourage you to leave me a comment after you read my posts. Thanks everyone, for taking the time to read me!!

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