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Monday, March 1, 2010

No thanks, Ma'm.......

I know how you all LOVE weird news here is one for you today! (Along with MY COMMENTS):

* Lisa Newsome, 42, was arrested in Zachary, La., in August,
caught trying to smuggle a 24-can case of beer out of a
convenience store. The heavyset, housecoat-clad Newsome was
squeezing the 20-pound case between her legs as she waddled from
the cooler toward the front door. When police arrived, Newsome
offered to pull up the dress to demonstrate how she carried the
case, but, said a police captain, "I told her, no thanks. I wasn't into
that." [WFTS-TV (Tampa)-AP, 9-1-09]

1. Okay, I know you all know I went to Florida not too long ago. And I know YOU know that my daughter lives close to Tampa (in Madeira Beach)....but I SWEAR it was NOT me.

2. I don't wear dresses that often anyway.

3. Ok. I do waddle. I admit it.

4. But I am not as coordinated as this lady.

5. And I don't like beer. Now Amaretto and sour? I'd attempt it for THAT.

6. But 42 is just a memory for me at this point.

7. A memory I don't even remember, how sad is THAT?

8. In certain moods (especially after an Amaretto and Sour), I'd probably feel like flashing a policeman.

9. Because there is just something about a guy in uniform, just sayin'.

10. There are certain men (who shall remain nameless) that just might be into a woman with contortionist skills such as the ones she displayed.

11.There are certain men (who shall also remain nameless) that would LOVE a woman willing to smuggle a case of beer out this way for them.

12. I know, because I dated one once.

13. Okay. Maybe MORE than one.

14. And maybe (just maybe) I also dated a policeman or two once, too.

15. But I shall remain silent, should it be used against me in a court of law....


DJan said...

Now that is just WRONG! Sometimes I wonder where you find these things, because I don't find them in MY paper. Very funny...

The Retired One said...

DJan: I shall remain silent...should it be used against me... :-}

Brian Miller said...

so is this like those " ihave this friend, who..." stories? really, we wont judge you. smiles.

Jeanette said...

I would attempt that for Amaretto too! I love the stuff. A few weeks ago I had a drink made of Amaretto, Kahlua and half-and half. Delicious!!

The Retired One said...

Brian: HAHA..I SWEAR, it was NOT me... :-}

Jeanette: We would be dangerous together!

Carol said...

The beer story was to good not to laugh my way to the bathroom. The visual was more than I could take. Thanks for the great laugh.

Unknown said...

Oh, you had me roaring with this one! Your comments were funnier than the article! Thanks so much for my best belly laugh of the day!

Cher' Shots said...

This is hilarious! Whenever someone approaches me with a "I remember when you ... " story, I just play innocent and tell them it was one of my sisters! They fall for it every time. ROFL

CiCi said...

You do find the greatest stories to show in your posts. That lady in the story really needed that beer!!

Wanda..... said...

I couldn't do that with "one" can.

Ann said...

can you imagine how strong her thighs have to be to squeeze and carry all that? OMG

Bernie said...

Are you sure you didn't make this up.....for the life of me Ican't imagine someone doing this and with 24 cans of beer....I "might" try for a bottle of good red wine, naaaaah I would just pay for it and drink it from the paper bag.
.......:-) Hugs

Betsy Banks Adams said...

Ha Ha Ha... I'm a big girl --but don't wear dresses anymore... I also don't drink beer. AND--I'm certainly not 42 anymore.

HOWEVER, I have been to Zachary, Louisiana before. Small town!!!!

BUT--it wasn't me!!!!! I truly would like to have seen her waddling along carrying 24-cans of beer between her legs... That's just amusing to the mind.


SquirrelQueen said...

A case of beer is not small, how the heck? This woman must be an Amazon.

Now a bottle of Kahlua would be a different story.

The Retired One said...

Carol: You are welcome...and sorry about that bathroom thing. :-}

Eva: I LOVE belly laughs, glad I was able to give you one!

Cher: Ha. It wasn't me! I swear!!

TechnoBabe: I don't know if she needed 24 though. ha

Wanda: Me neither, but I would be willing to give it a try! :-}

Grannyann: Maybe not that strong, it probably fit between her fatty thighs like a bottle inside playdoh. :-}

Bernie: Nope, I swear this was an actual news story I found on-line. You know what they say...truth is always stranger than fiction!

Betsy: The poor policemen, right?

SquirrelQueen: She just tucked it amongst her rolls of fat, evidently. Good grief!!!!!!!

Ratty said...

This is funny, but it makes me think about one of my cousins too much. Shoplifting was her favorite pastime. I haven't seen her in years, so I don't know about now. She could steal anything. She was better than a magician. When we were kids my mom never allowed me to go into a store with her because she always stole something, big things the size of TVs, and nobody would find out until she was home.

The Retired One said...

Ratty: Good that you don't hang out with her anymore would get you into trouble. Only steal pictures, we love that you do THAT. ha

Brittany said...

LMAO I love the cops answer! Brilliant!

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I retired in June 2008 and started my blog in November 2008. I worked at several jobs as a Registered Nurse prior to retirement. I LOVE being retired! Blogging has offered me a whole new venue to start writing again and to share new hobbies such as gardening, birdwatching and sharing my nature photography. If you like my blog, PLEASE click on "follow this blog". Having a lot of followers reading my blog gives me incentive to continue to do photography and to continue to write. I also LOVE comments, so I encourage you to leave me a comment after you read my posts. Thanks everyone, for taking the time to read me!!

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