Oh, Just Kill Me and Get it Over With

Well, I got it. That nasty, ugly, cold/virus/flu that all of you blogged about before.

Oh, I was pretty conceited.

I thought because I had taken this year's flu shot, I would be safe.

Snickering, I smugly thought: "They should have gotten a flu shot, they wouldn't be suffering like that."

Well, God has a sense of humor. (Yes, SHE does!)

Ever since we pulled in our driveway from vacation, I have had increasing symptoms of a cold/flu that has turned out to be the worst I have had in the last five years.

Observations?:

1. One is not particularly attractive with two wads of toilet paper sticking out of one's nostrils.

2. It IS possible to hack up a lung. In fact, even two. I have them on my lap to prove it.

3. It is not possible to lay down and breathe at the same time. Take your pick...comfort or life.

4. You can gop on a whole container of vaseline along your nose line and lip line with one hand, while balancing the cold capsules in the other hand.

5. Make sure you are on the commode, ready to pee when you have a sneezing fit. (If you are a woman over 50 yrs. old and have had at least one child). (Trust me, it isn't pretty).

6. The only thing HOT about you is your forehead.

7. You can layer on two nightgowns, a robe, a sweater, two pairs of socks and a pair of slippers and still be frickin' cold.

8. Two minutes after you do the above, you can whip it all of in 3 seconds while loudly whining: "Why is it so frickin' HOT in here?"

9. You can put a pile of kleenex on your left shoulder to lean your face into while typing on your laptop to blog. (They slip, but that helps wipe up the continuing drainage on its own).

10. You can train your brain headache throbs to go in beat to all the game show music you are stuck watching, but not really understanding (because of the medicine head fog).

11. You can personally be responsible for the stock market going up because of all the cold medicines you have bought over the last 48 hours.

12. The only thing "green" you have is your nasal drainage because you are also responsible for killing thousands of trees to make the kleenex you have used in the last 24 hours.

13. You have spent the last 3 hours on-line on the internet looking up comfortable ways to commit suicide (if there is such a way.) Unfortunately, taking an overdose of pills isn't an option...you have already done that with cold medicines and it hasn't worked.

14. You didn't think it was possible to look older, but with the black rings under your eyes, your bulging, watering eyes and your red nose, congratulations...you no longer look like your mother, you look more like your grandmother. (Or , better yet, probably your grandfather).

15. You whine more than a new puppy about how sick you are feeling...but it does no good...your husband is just as bad and no one else lives with us.....not even a puppy.

So, I had no choice...you were the lucky ones!!

Hope I live to see tomorrow so I can again blog with clarity.