For quite some time now, I have been convinced there are Aliens. I mean there is no other definitive answer for so many, many questions. For instance:
1. Why a George W. Bush? (Had to be an Alien immaculate conception of his mother. Theory: Many ufo-olgists feel that Aliens have an "under the sea" site. Where else would George W.'s mother get those many, many pearls for her necklaces?).
2. Why income taxes and politics? (Aliens,of course)
3. Why my last Boss? (Definitely an Alien)
4. Why have women go through PMS, painful childbirth, bikini waxes? (Aliens' sick humor: they are all male but can procreate themselves without the rituals or pain. Plus Aliens do not have any body hair)
5. Why do Americans work themselves to death? (an Alien plot).
6. Why do all things that taste good make you gain weight and all things that taste like shit help you lose weight? (An cruel Alien joke. All Alien food tastes like chocolate, caramel,or warm homemade pies and breads. The more an Alien eats, the more weight they lose).
7. Why do all the celebrities with no talent (but beautiful bodies) get paid millions, but the poor suckers who collect our garbage (or even take care of the sick or teach our children) can barely make enough income to make it? (The celebreties are all Aliens, of course...I mean, how else could they have those bodies?)
8. Why are there Engineers? (After all they speak a totally different language...have you TALKED to one of them? Or worse yet, dated one of them?) (Of course they are Aliens).
9. Why is there E-Harmony? (Alien match-making site).
10. Why are there teenagers? (Aliens in-training).
11. Why are there two year olds who have non-ending tantrums? (Memories of womb Alien inhabiting).
12. Why are there X-husbands and X-wifes? (Aliens who's true colors finally came out) (Besides, you've heard of the X-files, haven't you? Where else could they have gotten the idea?)
13. Why are there used car dealers? (Aliens who couldn't make it in their own Alien societies).
14. Why is there fruitcake? (Alien gourmet food).
15. Why do they serve liver? (Don't ask an Alien, you will be grossed out by their answer).
16. Why Rush Limbough? (Alien's punishment to mankind on Earth).
17. Why rap music? (Alien's attempt at denying Humans to have any joy left at all in music selections)
18. Why the pants hanging below teenage boy's asses? (Aliens attempt at getting humans to trip on their pants and killing us.) I say, let this one go, maybe they are right...any teenage boy doing this needs to disappear.
19. Why thongs? (Alien's attempt at trying to get Human females to slice themselves in half with a string. Hey, they clearly saw that it works with cheese, so I can see where they got the concept.)
20. Why UFO's? (Aliens way to tease us and to show us that our government WILL hide just about anything from us).
1. Why a George W. Bush? (Had to be an Alien immaculate conception of his mother. Theory: Many ufo-olgists feel that Aliens have an "under the sea" site. Where else would George W.'s mother get those many, many pearls for her necklaces?).
2. Why income taxes and politics? (Aliens,of course)
3. Why my last Boss? (Definitely an Alien)
4. Why have women go through PMS, painful childbirth, bikini waxes? (Aliens' sick humor: they are all male but can procreate themselves without the rituals or pain. Plus Aliens do not have any body hair)
5. Why do Americans work themselves to death? (an Alien plot).
6. Why do all things that taste good make you gain weight and all things that taste like shit help you lose weight? (An cruel Alien joke. All Alien food tastes like chocolate, caramel,or warm homemade pies and breads. The more an Alien eats, the more weight they lose).
7. Why do all the celebrities with no talent (but beautiful bodies) get paid millions, but the poor suckers who collect our garbage (or even take care of the sick or teach our children) can barely make enough income to make it? (The celebreties are all Aliens, of course...I mean, how else could they have those bodies?)
8. Why are there Engineers? (After all they speak a totally different language...have you TALKED to one of them? Or worse yet, dated one of them?) (Of course they are Aliens).
9. Why is there E-Harmony? (Alien match-making site).
10. Why are there teenagers? (Aliens in-training).
11. Why are there two year olds who have non-ending tantrums? (Memories of womb Alien inhabiting).
12. Why are there X-husbands and X-wifes? (Aliens who's true colors finally came out) (Besides, you've heard of the X-files, haven't you? Where else could they have gotten the idea?)
13. Why are there used car dealers? (Aliens who couldn't make it in their own Alien societies).
14. Why is there fruitcake? (Alien gourmet food).
15. Why do they serve liver? (Don't ask an Alien, you will be grossed out by their answer).
16. Why Rush Limbough? (Alien's punishment to mankind on Earth).
17. Why rap music? (Alien's attempt at denying Humans to have any joy left at all in music selections)
18. Why the pants hanging below teenage boy's asses? (Aliens attempt at getting humans to trip on their pants and killing us.) I say, let this one go, maybe they are right...any teenage boy doing this needs to disappear.
19. Why thongs? (Alien's attempt at trying to get Human females to slice themselves in half with a string. Hey, they clearly saw that it works with cheese, so I can see where they got the concept.)
20. Why UFO's? (Aliens way to tease us and to show us that our government WILL hide just about anything from us).
So, from now on, when you have ANY deep question about life....just answer it with:
It must be the Aliens.
Like me:
Husband: "honey, how did that scratch come in our rear left bumper?"
ME: "It must be the Aliens".
Husband: "Do you know where the TV remote is?" "I swear I put it right beside the newspaper."
ME: "It must be the Aliens"
Husband: "Where did all the chocolate cake go? I thought we had at least 3 slices left."
ME: "It must be the Aliens."
Try it, it works........
1 comment:
This is brilliant. My next words to the hubby will be just those! Ha ha.
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