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Saturday, August 28, 2010

More Dumb State Laws: Kentucky & Louisiana

Time again for 
along with
bold italics.

(For those of you new to my blog, I wander away from photography now and then
to do some regular humor).

These are REAL state laws 
on these state's books
(probably from years ago, but still, they were/are REAL laws in these states!).

I have been going alphabetically.

So, what state is next?
Why, the wonderful state of KENTUCKY 
of course!

And...believe it or not... there weren't enough dumb laws in KENTUCKY,
so I am also going to do LOUISIANA!!


Here goes!:
Let's do Kentucky first, okay?:
1. Throwing eggs at a public speaker could result in up to one year in prison. (Repealed, 1975)
Well, dang. There goes all my fun at the next political rally then.  I will just have to bring tomatoes to Kentucky I guess.  Although, maybe it would be worth's only 365 days, that's not so bad!

2. One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.
 Let me get this straight.  You CAN dye a duckling blue if you dye six or more of his friends and sell them in a group. Maybe THAT is how the Blue Group got on Broadway?  There ARE more than six of them, aren't there? Don't you wonder HOW on earth this law got passed and why?  Maybe it is best we don't investigate this annnnnny further.  Moving on.....

3. It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
Well, shucks! Gee,  maybe that is why Darrell (and my other brother Darrell) never brought home any fish from Kentucky...they were illegally shooting at them with a bow and arrow. Sure hope they weren't dangling worms from the arrows. That would get a bit messy.  I wonder if it is illegal to shoot pheasant with a rod and reel there too?

 4. In  Fort Thomas: Dogs may not molest cars. 
Ummm..yeah..try and get THAT visual out of your brain right now. 
First of all, HOW could a dog molest a car? Use the tailpipe? EEEE-ewwwwww...let's not picture that, okay. Oh, it's too late?? Well, I figured if I have to suffer thinking that visual, everybody else reading this has to suffer TOO!!! 

5. In Owensboro: A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission.
At first I thought, "wow, that Owensboro must be one redneck awful place where no woman gets rights"..but then on second thought, it is probably a GOOD law. I mean, almost NO woman except maybe Julia Roberts, and let's face it, she'd look good in a paper bag! looks good in a hat....they were just doing a service to all women so that they do not humiliate themselves. That Owensboro!!, it's such a before-trend fashion-police town!

 Now, for Louisiana:

1. Spectators at a boxing match may not mock one of the contestants.
Well, again...that would be as fun as saying you can't go to a Polka festival and fart polka, now wouldn't it?  Wait a minute. Maybe I can throw eggs HERE instead of at the public speaker in Kentucky? A woman's gotta have fun somewhere, right?

2. Persons could land in jail for up to ten years for stealing an alligator.
I say, if they have the balls courage to wrestle and alligator, and capture him...let them keep it!! 

3. It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
Boy, I would have been a prison inmate in college for SURE. But $500 for a fine seems a little steep to me. Better off to steal an alligator and leave the pizza guy deliver THAT instead!

4. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
I better hide my super soaker if I cross the Louisiana state line then. Wonder if it is legal to rob a bank there as long as I DON'T shoot the bank teller with a water pistol then?  Wonder if they had to make this a law because some idiot really did this somewhere in Louisiana?  I would LOVE to interview them to figure out their train of thought on this one.....

5. Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.
I don't know about YOU, but they BOTH seem pretty much like an aggravated assault to ME....I don't think anyone's choppers should be biting anyone else. Who is with me on this one???

 6. It is illegal to gargle in public places.
Well, thank goodness!!! I don't want to be at some Cajun restaurant and have some fool gargling beside me, do YOU??? I say, I hope they KEPT this law around yet today!

7.  It is illegal to steal a “movable” even if it classified as an “immovable”.
Does anyone else wonder WHAT in the HECK this law means??  Maybe they are talking about those stupid-ass   pens at the bank that are chained to the counter?? I mean it's not supposed to be removed from the counter (thus an "immovable"), but if  the chain is broken and then you take it with you, (thinking it is a movable) you are gonna get arrested???

8.  Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed.
Did you tell the witches?  Or the drunken college students getting initiated into those ridiculous sororities and fraternities?

9. In Jefferson parish: One could land in jail for up to a year for making a false promise.
Oh boy! There are several men in Louisiana exaggerating bragging about their man parts that better watch out...Do they know about this law??  .and several used car salespeople and stock brokers who better go into hiding about now....

10. In New Orleans: One may not host a game of marbles at Lafayette Square unless he or she first obtains a written permit from the parkway and park commission.
I have my steelies ready and say WHAT? I gotta get a PERMIT before I can play with them in the Square? Gheesh! It's about the money people, it's ALWAYS about the money..poor little kids gotta pay for a permit to play marbles in the park.  What is next? Charges for jump roping? Or how about hide-and-seek?Are they going to charge per hide? 

11.  Also in New Orleans: Chasing fish in a city park is against the law.
I don't know WHO was sloshed working in City Hall the day they made THIS law, but I hate to tell them this, but here goes anyway.  Hey, New Orleans:  fish usually are found IN THE WATER, not sitting around city park. Furthermore, they CAN'T RUN AWAY if chased...they swim. (Good Lord, why do I have to be the one to inform them of this?)

12.  In N.O.: “Mardi Gras Beads may not be thrown from a third story window. 
Evidently, they don't know very many  old ladies senior citizen women....because honestly...if they let their boobs down to flash others, they are gonna HAVE to be up on the third floor so they have room to let them "swing free" under their beads. Gheesh! What do you want them to do, roll them up and stay on the ground floor? They could get all tangled in the beads then and SOMEBODY is gonna get HURT!! (Try to get THAT graphic out of your heads!)

13.  In N.O.: City commission members may not drink during a public meeting or risk a $50 fine.
Too late!!!! ...because evidently no one remembered the stupid law the drunks the members already passed concerning chasing fish in a park. 


14.  In N.O.: It is illegal to practice voodoo in the city limits.
Because if they let them do this, there would be a lot of City Commissioners and politicians with sudden, sharp pains with no explanation at City Hall.  Meet you guys outside the city limits...we are going to have some FUN--BYOP party (rather than a BYOB party). What IS a BYOP party, you ask? Why, it's a "bring your own pins" party, silly!

15.  In N.O.: Condoms may not be thrown from parade floats during Mardi Gras.
They are probably afraid of the old ladies on the third floor.  
Actually, I think they SHOULD throw out condoms during the Mardi Gras parade. It would be very helpful. Have you been there during Mardi Gras??  WOW!!! If any place needs condoms, I'd say that would be a great place to start. 

16. In  N.O.: You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
This law is probably related to the "no stealing an alligator law" (see above). But really, if they didn't have this law and you were allowed to tie your alligator to a fire hydrant, you probably wouldn't have that  many people trying to steal it, now would you?  Of course if a fire occurred and the fireman had to get to the hydrant, this could prove problematic.  Maybe that is why they always show fireman with those hatchets....?

17. In N.O.: It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.
You mean like the guys with the flashlights directing the jumbo jets on the tarmac? Let's just put it this way, ladies....if YOUR husband got in front of your car when you getting ready to start driving and waved a flag in front of it, what would be your first instinct??? yep, I thought so....
No wonder there is a shortage of men in Louisiana.............

18. In Port Allen: No person may predict another’s future.
Must not be too many psychics there with their crystal ball to tell fortunes. For that matter, probably not too many preachers (telling everyone they are going to HELL) then either.

19.  In Sulphur: Drive-thru liquor stores are outlawed.
Well, imagine THAT.  You can't drive drunk up to a drive-thru liquor store to continue driving drunk ??? 


20.  Also in Sulphur: It is illegal to have sex with a cow.
That one really mooooo-ved me. (Sorry, I udderly couldn't help that remark). What if they just wanted to make-out or maybe do some PETTING. Would that be illegal? 


21. Also: It is illegal to be an alcoholic.
FINALLY! A law that MAKES sense. Why hasn't the rest of the nation caught on to this law? It's so simple! Just make it ILLEGAL to be an alcoholic..then voila! No more alcoholics in the world.  Who needs A.A.?? Just make it illegal, people!


22.  Also: Saying obscene things on the telephone is illegal.
So much for phone sex. Ah, heck... 
then after I drive thru to pick up my liquor,  I might as well  just tie my alligator to the fire hydrant, then go upstairs and  call a cow (while I stick needles in my voodoo doll) , and  tell the cow their predictions for  the  future, (whilst I throw out my Mardi Gras beads from the third floor along with the condoms ).

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Brian Miller said...

oh there is so much to say...the pizza guy is pretty funny...kinda glad they repealed the egg law....the dog and the car...seems like that might hurt...smiles. ahvea wonderful saturday!

Unknown said...

Those are so funny, but not as funny as your commentary! You do have to wonder what prompted some of these laws!

VaBookworm87 said...

I'm incredibly intrigued by the immovable/movable law... how incredibly vague! lol

Resigned said...

Thank you for the instant encouragement ! I have a lot of catching up to do, it's been a busy, beautiful summer. Looks like you have been enjoying it too, your nature shots are stunning. Maybe instead of looking for deer tomorrow I'll ASK (?????) my husband if I can buy a hat....bwahahahaha.

Betsy Banks Adams said...

Hi Joan, I always love reading these crazy things--but even better than that is reading your responses... ha ha

Thanks for the laughs.

Rick (Ratty) said...

Wow! Louisiana is full of those laws. I think Kentucky doesn't have as many because they don't use many laws there. No offense to anyone in Kentucky, except for a few of my family members. And I don't think they like bow and arrow fishing because I was always under the impression that Kentucky was where they invented fishing with dynamite. And I have seen a dog molest a car before. Well, it was actually a camper. I hated that dog. His owner was worse.

Carol said...

I missed your interpetation of law. But truthfully the laws themself are crazy. Have a great day dear friend. I had a hard time leaving messages on a few post. Me I am sure. But wanted you to know I have been reading.

Bossy Betty said...

Oh. OH. I just bought a hat without my husband's permission. I did ask my boyfriend though. Does that count?

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I retired in June 2008 and started my blog in November 2008. I worked at several jobs as a Registered Nurse prior to retirement. I LOVE being retired! Blogging has offered me a whole new venue to start writing again and to share new hobbies such as gardening, birdwatching and sharing my nature photography. If you like my blog, PLEASE click on "follow this blog". Having a lot of followers reading my blog gives me incentive to continue to do photography and to continue to write. I also LOVE comments, so I encourage you to leave me a comment after you read my posts. Thanks everyone, for taking the time to read me!!

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