along with MY COMMENTS in bold italics.
In case you can't read them well, here is a repeat of what they say, along with my comments:
1. 11:40 pm: woman crying at Lincoln and Cleveland:
We, in the north, are usually a pretty happy bunch. So, I guess it makes news when someone is outside crying. We care, PEOPLE, we care!!! Someone called the police to cheer her up, I guess....hope he came with his police stripper outfit and some music. I know that would cheer ME up...how about YOU?
2. 9:21 am: VOLUNTARILY missing person, later located, reported at the Police Station:
Now this is interesting. Someone VOLUNTERS to go away....(don't all people running away do it voluntarily?) Did they raise their hand at home or work and say: "Pick me, Pick me...I wanna volunteer to run away today!"? Is this an official game of hide and seek? I am sure the police scratched their heads at the person calling in. I am sure it went something like this:
Person calling: "Hello? Police Station? I am calling in a missing person report. Well, he really isn't missing...he woke up yesterday and said he was bored and asked if he could volunteer to disappear. I really didn't want him to go missing, because I wanted him to clean the garage..but he insisted. So, he's missing."
Police: M'am...have you been drinking?
Person calling: Nope. Just worried because he hasn't come home yet.
Police: Well, is the garage clean yet? Maybe he is waiting for you to pick up those oil spots and Christmas rubbermaid boxes always in the way of his tools? He'll probably return at sunset, or when the garage is done, whatever comes first.
Person calling: I suppose. Next time, I won't tell him ahead of time that I have a project in mind..that way, I won't have to call you.
Police: We'd appreciate that, M'am.
Person calling: So you aren't even going to do a house call to interview me? Because I saw a few of you selling those Policeman Ball tickets and yessiree....I likey what I saw!!!
3. 4:56am: Suspicious situation: person crying, 700 block of Champion.
What did I tell you? We don't have people crying here that often. When they do, someone calls it in so they can get help. Either that, or we have a LOT of sadness here because this is the second report in the same night. Hmmm. I wonder if it was when the stock market crashed? That would explain it! Wait a minute! I bet it was that guy that ran away because he didn't want to clean the garage!!!????