For you NEW Followers (love you too!):
So, are we all ready?
1. Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.
Well, thank goodness!! Besides, I don't see many hanging around the rivers....and their little ears would look mighty funny bobbing along the river after they were shot, now...wouldn't they? Although you COULD use them to balance your fishing poles on for holders...now THAT'S an idea, folks! Here comes Peter Cottontail, bobbing down the river trail....
2. Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
Well, where (oh where?) should we attach them on the boot-tay? I've heard of "junk in your trunk" but this is ridiculous! And I don't even want to GUESS how the lights are powered......
GAS you say?????
And how do you indicate a left turn versus a right turn? A little hip action? That could be lewd and illegal!
3. The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
So wait a minute....you can't hunt rabbits from a motorboat and you can't hunt mules to hunt ducks...? Wouldn't you think you'd find more ducks from a motorboat and more rabbits riding a mule??? Can you HEAR the hunt?: heehaw, quack, heehaw, quack, quack!.....Those Kansas pioneers must have starved with this logic folks! These laws are ASS-inine. (Sorry, just couldn't help myself), I'm STUBBORN as a mule. (Oops, did it again!)
4. If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
So, how are two trains on the same track gonna PASS each other? Leapfrog??
Just what prairie grass were they smoking when they made THIS law?
5. In Lawrence: All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival.
Wow, must be noisy in Lawrence. I'd hate to live by the freeway! (Or try and sell a house there).
6. In Lawrence: No one may wear a bee in their hat.
Well, shoot! I always think they give a fresh spring look to my outfit. The buzzing is a nice touch. Maybe the saying: "There's a bee in her bonnet" originated there???
7. In Topeka: No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night.
No way! I would have never made it through grade school (or been a secretary there for that matter, I had to sing it to alphabetize the files, I tell 'ya!) That would be a good excuse not to work the night shift....
8. In Topeka: Snowball fights are illegal.
Funny I was never arrested when I lived there! I am SURE I had a few there when I lived there...granted, they don't get a LOT of snow....they do get a lot of ice storms...which is maybe why this law was invented? Man, you get whacked with an iceball and you may be dead!
9. In Topeka: Dead chickens may not be hauled across Kansas Avenue.
KFC is gonna be realll upset about this if they are located on Kansas Avenue....wonder if you can haul live chickens and then whack 'em after you cross the street? What about the grocery stores on Kansas Avenue...they can't stock dead chickens?
10. In Topeka: No one may scream at a haunted house.
Now that is darn right cruel! Set up a haunted house and then tell them they aren't allowed to scream? They gotta cover their mouths and stifle it? Wow, that's tough! I mean, what's the point of a haunted house if you can't scare a scream or two out of anybody?
11. In Topeka: The installation of bathtubs is prohibited.
Must be lots and lots of showers in Topeka....and no bubble baths. No soakers there..they mean business...get in, wash and get the heck out, people..no time in Kansas for a relaxing bath!
12. In Wichita: One must get a permit from the city if they wish to take dirt from the airport.
I wonder how many people request this permit? Wonder what it costs? Wonder what you have to write on the form to allow you to get airport dirt..."I would like some Wichita airport dirt as a souvenier of a place where I have to wear taillights at night, where I am not allowed to hunt ducks with a mule and not allowed to hunt rabbits with a motorboat and I would have taken the train, but two trains met and they couldn't figure out how to pass on one track so I took a plane instead and the mood just struck me to collect dirt here". Think they'd buy it?
13. In Wichita: Before proceeding through the interesection of Douglas and Broadway, a motorist is required to get out of their vehice and fire three shot gun rounds into the air.
Wow, this may be even noisier than Lawrence and a bit more dangerous...again, wouldn't want to live on that corner!!! Yeeee-haw! And, I wouldn't want to have this as the path to work...I don't think the boss would buy that the reason I was late is that there were too many motorists getting out of their cars and shooting their guns so it slowed me down.....
14. In Wichita: Any person caught using or carrying bean snappers or the like shall upon conviction, be fined.
Yeah, those bean snappers are DEADLY, folks! You can snap off just about anything with those killers. It is MUCH more safe to shoot your gun at that intersection of Douglas and Broadway!
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