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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Deer in Headlights

We are blessed in Upper Michigan with roads going through beautiful forests. Roads with curves and trees and hills. And.......wildlife. Which means....................................roadkill.


Most of all, we have a lot of deer/car accidents. Because the deer love to eat the tips of trees and any grass that pokes out on the side of the road, they often linger there and when they see a car come, instead of running back in the woods (like a smart Bambi) they either run in front of your car, or they "freeze" in the middle of the road, paralyzed and mesmerized by headlights coming at them. Many get hit and killed because they remain so hypnotized by the car coming, they just stare blankly at it and get run over.So, familiar with how the deer looks when this happens, often people will refer to other humans by saying: "He looked like a deer in headlights".


For you city-slickers, I have decided to list (you KNOW how I love lists!) ten examples of when humans look "like a deer in headlights" so you will know what I mean.


1. Remember when Congress was interviewing the top three American car manufacturer's CEO's and they asked the CEO's who came to the meeting IN SEPARATE COMPANY JETS (to ask for government bail-out money) why they did this? Remember their faces and blank look in their eyes when asked why they did this? THAT is a "deer in the headlights" expression.


2. Remember, when you are asked at the Motor Vehicle Department (when you were filling out your new driver's license): "M'am. How much do you weigh?" Your expression was a "deer in the headlights" expression.


3. Remember when you were sixteen and grounded (for being such a Dick Head, you mouthy adolescent you!) and you snuck out of your room( to go to a kegger) and then got home and puked into a towel and it reeked for beer so you hid it under your bed? Then you got home from school and your mother asked you if you went out and drank last night (and then threw up)? Your expression was a "deer in the headlights" expression.


4. Remember when they interviewed Richard Nixon on CBS and asked him: "Do you know about a thing called Watergate?" His expression was like a "deer in headlights".


5. Remember Bill Clinton when he was on TV and he was being interviewed about the Monica Lewiniski "stained dress", and he turned pale and paused before answering? His expression was like a "deer in headlights". (Right before he said: "I did not have sex with that woman.") Yeah, right....


6. Remember when you had your first crush on a boy and told your best friend and made her SWEAR (SWEAR!!!) that she would not tell a soul for the rest of your life (and her life)? And then, she promptly went to the school cafeteria and told everyone she knew and then the biggest mouth in the class yelled at you across the cafeteria: "Do you LOVE Billy?" and then sang"Joan loves Billy, Joan loves Billy"? Well, if your name was Joan, your expression was like "a deer in headlights".


7. (Warning, all men reading this may want to skip this one): If you are female, remember getting your first period. (Holy Shit!, WTF is THIS?) You looked like "deer in headlights".


8. (Warning again to all men, to skip this one if you want): Remember after you secretly whispered to your mom that you think you got your first period and she announces at dinner to your Dad and older brother (and his HOT best male friend who you have had a crush on for two months): "Isn't it wonderful? Our little baby girl got her first period today". Yep, you (again) looked like "a deer in headlights".


9. If you are a man, you will relate to this one: Remember when your girlfriend/mother/sister/wife was in an emergency to get (ahem) "feminine hygiene products" and YOU had to go buy them for the first time? Remember standing in front of the aisle FULL of them and trying to quickly pick out the right ones? (Wings? No wings? Long? Short? Light Days? Heavy-Duty?)Thinking: WTF? I have NO IDEA... and then a Hot Babe came right up next to you to look at the same shelf and you could have died a thousand deaths for being anywhere NEAR that product aisle? Yep, your face had the "deer in headlights" expression.


10. If you are a man, you will probably also relate to this one: Remember buying your first condoms? And going up to the salesclerk, and they take FOREVER to find the price on them and then stop and have to get a "price check" on them before you could buy them? Yes, your expression "was like a deer in headlights."


So, now you KNOW what a "deer in headlights" looks like. Even if you don't live in Upper Michigan.

14 comments:

Ratty said...

For some reason I don't understand, number 9 wouldn't bother me. The only thing I would think was that this stuff isn't for me anyway. It must be some sort of mental block on my part. I know other people would be bothered by this, so I know I'm just not understanding something.

Hippo said...

This is funny. I love no 9. I remember hubby coming back with this deer in the headlight expression too for the 1st time. Now he's a pro!

Loree said...

Hahaha... a good funny post.

rainfield61 said...

Very good examples of when humans look "like a deer in headlights".
The only major difference I can tell is: when deer see headlights, they see hell.
But when human are "like a deer in headlights", they just runaway like nuts.

The Retired One said...

Ratty: Good for you! As a man, you are in a minority! Now, run out and get me some tampons. (Just kidding!)

Hippo: Yep, we break in our husbands pretty good. But you still have to write down EXACTLY what you want (and describe the color of the packages, etc.) and then they still bring back the wrong ones!

Loree: Glad you liked it! The last "deer in the headlights" expression I got was when we did the taxes this year. For-the-love-of-God, why can't they make it easier for people?

Rainfield61: Oh,c'mon, can't ANY deer get into Heaven? I mean even Bambi shouldn't go to hell! What have they done to you, huh? Did you have a tramatic deer experience, or what? *wink* If you did, you need to blog it so we all know!

Ms Squeaky Wheel. said...

Learning to avoid deer and watch for those yellow eyes at night became an art after 17 years out in the country like you, now that part of my life i will always cherish---and by the way I have this for you regarding your comment (just dont tell anyone following my blog you are my #1 fav)..

Your HTML cannot be accepted: Tag is not allowed:

(aw crap it says not allowed, well come to my blog, I'll post it to you there)

I hope you can view it here! xxx debbie

Kearsie said...

#2, I so lied my pants off. Well, not literally, my pants remained securely on, but my license is about 15 pounds off the real weight.

I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

The Retired One said...

Ms. Squeaky Wheel: Me? Your Favorite? You made me blush. And of course, now that we have both posted our comments, the whole world knows. (That's OK with me, but you might get into trouble).Good thing I know who you REALLY are! ha Thanks so much!

Kearsie: As long as the clothes stayed secure over your chest (ahem!) so you didn't shock the person taking your driver's license photo, then okay. Now THAT would've made them feel "like a deer in headlights!" *grin*

Aria said...

Joan, great post... also, just an FYI from my days in the Jersey Devil Pinelands (see soprano's episode named Pinelands) the trick to not having a deer hit YOU (it all depends on how you word it to the insurance company) is cut the lights honk the horn and hit the brakes ~ the brakes part assumes no ice... If you honk with the headlights off, they scatter the whole process takes 3-5 seconds if you get in the habit of doing it... I know... how the *bleep* would I get in the habit of doing that?

rainfield61 said...

Why I think of hell but not heaven, for the lovely deer especially Bambi? I feel so sorry to them.
I need an answer to them. Here is it:

http://rainfield61.blogspot.com/2009/02/look-like-deer-in-headlights.html

Hope that they will pardon me.

WiseAcre said...

One more day before I'm asked "what did you get mom for Valentine's Day?" before I stand like a deer in headlights.

The Retired One said...

Aria: With my luck, when I turned out my lights, a semi would hit me from behind. I'd be honkin' my way to heaven (not hell, no matter WHAT you all say!) I say, let's have deer chops tonight and forget the idea of turning off my lights. ha

Rainfield 61: I will check out your site and see what you have to say!

WiseAcre: I have one word for you: DIAMONDS! (You can never go wrong with diamonds!). And if you say "she doesn't really like jewelry"...I say: Pwwwwt. If she doesn't for sure, then she will return them (keep your receipt) and get something else. But most women would LOVE for you to get something like that just for the sentiment alone. Roses are good too, even if they tell you "not to waste money on flowers." (She's lying!) (She will love them).

Grannyann said...

I absolutely know what you mean. We have "deer crossing" signs around every curve. We even had 4 in town the other night that we noticed from the street. They must have been really hungry to move in that close.

The Retired One said...

Grannyann: Wow, four in town? I think you must have a little spring happening in your town. They like to come out and eat the fresh grass on the sides of the road then. We saw quite a few in the farm fields in lower Michigan and Ohio on our trip down thus far. Today, we saw wild turkeys in West Virginia too!

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I retired in June 2008 and started my blog in November 2008. I worked at several jobs as a Registered Nurse prior to retirement. I LOVE being retired! Blogging has offered me a whole new venue to start writing again and to share new hobbies such as gardening, birdwatching and sharing my nature photography. If you like my blog, PLEASE click on "follow this blog". Having a lot of followers reading my blog gives me incentive to continue to do photography and to continue to write. I also LOVE comments, so I encourage you to leave me a comment after you read my posts. Thanks everyone, for taking the time to read me!!

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