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Saturday, January 23, 2010

Useless Tidbits!

Like USELESS TRIVIA, I have found some USELESS TIDBITS for the series to continue!
So, here is the first of the series, along with MY COMMENTS!:



1. The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.
Oh. My. God. Now I will never sleep again. Or, I will have to set up a roach motel in my mouth.






2. More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
Donkeys, my ass! (sorry, I just couldn't help myself).

So, how exactly does this happen?

The donkeys stomp people to death?

The stench of the donkey kills you?

All criminals are asses, so maybe that's what the statistics mean?




3. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Why...whatever do you mean? (she asks coyly, fluttering her eyelashes madly).


Of course we do...we are rebooting that marvelous computer we have in our brains!





4. The continents names all end with the same letter with which they start.
Not so, not so..what about SOUTH America?

It would have to be called South AmericaS!!!







5. Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
How do we know it wasn't Shakespeare's WIFE??

Because you know all wives tell husbands what to say!!!



6. According to tests made at the Institute for the Study of Animal Problems in Washington, D.C., dogs and cats, like people, are either right-handed or left-handed --- that is, they favor either their right or left paws.
So. Since this was a test by the Study of Animal PROBLEMS ....is this a problem?


Will we have to make righthanded dog dishes or left handed kitty play mouses then?


7. Blue whales weigh as much as 30 elephants and are as long as 3 Greyhound buses.

My question is, how did they get them to stand on the scale to check this.
Bwaaaahahaaaaaaa.

And, where did they get the same kind of scale to weigh a whale, 30 elephants at once AND 3 greyhound buses????


A wet truck stop scale under water???



8. Crocodiles and alligators are surprisingly fast on land. Although they are rapid, they are not agile; so if you ever find yourself chased by one, run in a zigzag line. You'll lose him or her every time.
Ummm...I don't think I could do this with my messy pants.

And, I would probably need a dramamine for the motion sickness.





9. Birds do not sleep in their nests. They may occasionally nap in them, but they actually sleep in other places.
So,what is the difference between a nap and sleeping?
Because normally, when I nap, I AM sleeping.


Anyone?


Bueller?



So they are saying birds "sleep around"?


Those sluts!

21 comments:

RNSANE said...

I am so glad to have these important facts! But, even more so, the humor adds to my day!

DJan said...

Funny girl! I'll remember that one about running in a zigzag line next time I'm chased by a croc. Glad you told me BEFORE!

Insanitykim said...

Too funny, and, maybe that is why people can't get their dogs to shake, roll over or heel...they aren't considering their pet's paw dominance! Where is the dog whisperer when you need him???

Brian Miller said...

i like my spiders chocolate covered...or cajun fried.

watching out for donkeys now...

lol.

Cathy Clementz said...

YOU FRICKIN' NUT!!!! HA! Where DO you come up with this!! you must dream it up in your nap, er, I mean your SLEEP.

Fran Hill @ Being Miss said...

Oh my. Now I know what those little bits of thin black string are that I find on my lips in the mornings. Spider legs. Oh yuk.

Eva Gallant said...

Once again.you are hilarious! I want to know how they determined that we eat spiders and how many?

Bernie said...

Oh my gosh Joan, it is so good to be back and enjoy your post, am still chuckling especially over Shakespeare's wife....and I agree wives usually do tell their husbands what to say.....:-) hugs

The Retired One said...

RNSane: Yes, keep those facts close to your heart...they work great during those boring work meetings :-P

DJan: But make sure you are wearing a depends. :-}

Insanity: Probably running away from crocodiles (or donkeys!)

Brian: Yes, watch your ASS. ;-}

Cathy: ME??? Nap??? Naw, you're talkin' about Paul!

Fran: Glad to see you BACK!!!

Eva: I don't think we want to know how they know that!

Bernie: SOOOOO glad you are back too!
I have missed you!

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Oh Joan, How funny!!!! I love the useless facts---but even better, I love your comments.... The one about birds "sleeping around" made me laugh outloud.

Hugs,
Betsy

Fran Hill @ Being Miss said...

Yes, Retired One, good to be back. I was using Windows Explorer before and it kept shutting me down every time I accessed your blog, so I had to come off. Now I use Google Chrome and it doesn't give me the same headaches.

Ratty said...

I like the one about the spiders. I remember being so angry at a swarm of flies that kept landing on my face, that when one flew into my mouth I ate it on purpose. The taste was bad, but it was a satisfying snack.

lotusleaf said...

I couldn't stop laughing!

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

We eat spiders at night? I'm totally creeped out!

The Retired One said...

Betsy: Glad you liked them! :-}

Fran Hill: I am glad you found Google Chrome then! Good grief...you should be able to read any blog without problems!

Ratty: Yuck! Only YOU would eat one "to show them a lesson". ha

Lotusleaf: Then my job was well done. (smiles)

Lynn: I will remain in denial about that useless tidbit..I can't even think about it!

TechnoBabe said...

Interesting to see how your mind works. So funny. Well, maybe not the spider one, but the rest are!!!
I really like the idea of left paw toys for cats and dogs who favor their left paws.

VABookworm87 said...

Awesome :o) I try to not think about the spider thing... UGh!

Was Shakespeare married? I heard it's believed he might have been gay and that all of his sonnets were in fact written for a young man... lol

Grannyann said...

Oh gosh and I am told I sleep with my mouth wide open!!!

The Retired One said...

Technobabe: Oh, no..you don't want to really see how my mind works. ha

VaBookworm: I don't know if he was married. Don't worry, if he wasn't, then it was probably his mom that told him what to say. ha

Grannyann: You are in big trouble then! I'd suggest an ant trap be lodged in between your teeth...you know,...just in case. hahaaaa

SquirrelQueen said...

I heard the spider one quite awhile back and was really trying to forget it, thanks for the reminder! I may never nap again.

What a fun post, I love your comments.

The Retired One said...

SquirrelQueen: I heard it before too...yuck, hey?

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I retired in June 2008 and started my blog in November 2008. I worked at several jobs as a Registered Nurse prior to retirement. I LOVE being retired! Blogging has offered me a whole new venue to start writing again and to share new hobbies such as gardening, birdwatching and sharing my nature photography. If you like my blog, PLEASE click on "follow this blog". Having a lot of followers reading my blog gives me incentive to continue to do photography and to continue to write. I also LOVE comments, so I encourage you to leave me a comment after you read my posts. Thanks everyone, for taking the time to read me!!

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