More Useless Tidbits

Time for more Useless Tidbits, folks !!! (Along with MY COMMENTS in bold italics).

1. Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale.
I probably don't want to know how they tested this one. Please tell me they didn't cut the tongue off a blue whale and place it on a scale to test this theory.
Besides, who knew that blue whales even HAD a tongue?
I mean I guess if I really thought about it, they must have a tongue, but I don't sit around and think about whales' tongues....but I will NOW. And so will YOU, now won't you? WON'T YOU?????
That's it.
Try NOT to think of a blue whale's tongue....
Besides...that is a helluva lot of tongue if it weighs MORE than an elephant.
Think of the size of the sucker you'd have to make to satisfy a whale. Or ice cream cone.
Do two blue whales french kiss? Wow, now there's a visual!




2. Butterflies taste with their hind feet.
I bet everything tastes like dirt
or dust then, to a butterfly.
Husband butterfly: honey, did you taste that rose?
Wife butterfly: Yes, yes I did.
Husband butterfly: It kinda tasted like my mother's roses did. No roses taste now like my mother's roses used to.
Wife butterfly: How can you tell? They all taste like dirt. Besides, are you saying that MY roses don't taste as good as your mother's did? Because let me tell you mister...if you washed your hind feet a little more you'd be able to tell that MY roses are better than your mother's ever did, and besides did your mother work outside the home AND raise your children from hell AND have to put up with a husband that doesn't wash his hind feet? Because let me tell you, if she did......
Husband butterfly: (Sigh).





3. Only female mosquitoes bite.
Of course, it is the PMS. Our blood tastes like chocolate to them.






4. Mosquitoes are attracted to the color blue twice as much as
to any other color.
And they say animals are colorblinded! Who knew that mosquitoes could see color?
So if you go into the woods, wear your black jeans, not your blue ones. They must know that our blood is really blue (until oxygen hits it, then it turns red). Smart little buggers, aren't they?





5. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
All right. Don't go in the desert wandering around looking for scorpions to do this to just for jollies. That is cruel.
Wait, I'm talking about scorpions here....never mind....go ahead! (I'll wait here, hiding under my couch).





6. Every night, wasps bite into the stem of a plant, lock their mandibles
(jaws) into position, stretch out at right angles to the stem, and, with legs dangling, fall asleep.

Heck, I call that foreplay where I come from.
Unless I feel like spooning. Then there is less dangling.



7. Ants stretch when they wake up. They also appear to yawn in a very human
manner before taking up the tasks of the day.
I know, what is with all the BUG useless tidbits today?
I don't know, I am on a roll.
So back to the ants.
I want to know who had a hidden camera to catch ants exactly when they wake up to know this?
And how can you TELL they just woke up? Their little eyelids flutter? Do ants even HAVE eyelids?
And yawn? With those creepy mandible fangy things they have? YIKES!
I am going to have nightmares tonight about HUGE blue whale tongues, being bitten by FEMALE mosquitos (they like blue remember?) beside a squirming, drunken scorpion and a stretching, yawning ant who is bored with it all.



8. Bees have 5 eyes. There are 3 small eyes on the top of a bee's head and 2
larger ones in front.
I bet Mom bees really DO see everything their little brat bee kids are doing behind
their back.
Mom Bee: Junior, stop pinching your sister!
Junior: I wasn't pinching her, MOM.
Mom Bee: Don't lie to me, you little buzzer! I can SEE you, you know..every which way, top or front....so just knock it off!
Junior: I'm allowed to knock her off? Suzie....come heeeeerrrrrr........
Mom Bee: (Sigh).



9. The outdoor temperature can be estimated to within several degrees by timing the chirps of a cricket. It is done this way: count the number of chirps in a 15-second period, and add 37 to the total. The result will be very close to the actual Fahrenheit temperature. This formula, however, only works in warm weather.
OMG. I am TOTALLY going to try this.
But the question is, WHO even NOTICED this phenomenon? Who started counting the chirps of a cricket and then realized they needed to add 37 (not 38, and not 39 and not even 36...but 37) to it and it would tell you the fahrenheit temperature????
Someone VERRRRRY bored???? I can see it now...laying in bed...can't sleep.....hmmmm...think I will count sheep. Nope, I'm up to 12,345 sheep now...not working.....Wait!...what is that sound outside?....oh..crickets! Will they EVER shut up?.... Oh well, I will count the chirps they make.....hmmmm...they are all chirping 40 times.....then 40 times again....then 40 times again. Crap...now I can't sleep because of the damn crickets....won't just ONE of the little buggers chirp 21 times or 19 times.....nope...damn..... another one chirped 40 times...I cannot take this!!!...I'll get up and make coffee....and check the temperature outside...hmmm..it is 77 degrees...............................
(ten years pass)......
(another sleepless night occurs).....
damn, MORE crickets chirping again....shit!!!...I have that big meeting tomorrow.....wait a minute!!...remember when that night happened where I couldn't sleep...and I counted the crickets chirping?:....and they all chirped exactly 40 times???.....and it was 77 degrees out?...hmmm...I wonder if every chirp plus, oh...I don't know...37...would add up to the temp. outside?.....let's see...this time they are chirping 38 times.....and that plus 37 equals 75...I'll get up and check the thermometer.........GOOD GRIEF>>I am RIGHT...it is 75 degrees out!!!! Shit! Who can I call and tell about this????
(yawns)
....maybe tomorrow...all of a sudden I feel verrrry sleeeeeepy............



10. In the United States, a pound of potato chips cost two hundred times more than a pound of potatoes.
And a helluva lot more to lose the weight CAUSED by those very same potato chips. Not to mention the cost of all of those Doctor visits to take care of the high cholesterol they caused......

Isn't life grand?