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Friday, February 12, 2010

More Useless Tidbits

Time for more Useless Tidbits, folks !!! (Along with MY COMMENTS in bold italics).




1. Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale.
I probably don't want to know how they tested this one. Please tell me they didn't cut the tongue off a blue whale and place it on a scale to test this theory.
Besides, who knew that blue whales even HAD a tongue?
I mean I guess if I really thought about it, they must have a tongue, but I don't sit around and think about whales' tongues....but I will NOW. And so will YOU, now won't you? WON'T YOU?????
That's it.
Try NOT to think of a blue whale's tongue....

Besides...that is a helluva lot of tongue if it weighs MORE than an elephant.
Think of the size of the sucker you'd have to make to satisfy a whale. Or ice cream cone.
Do two blue whales french kiss? Wow, now there's a visual!





2. Butterflies taste with their hind feet.
I bet everything tastes like dirt
or dust then, to a butterfly.

Husband butterfly: honey, did you taste that rose?

Wife butterfly: Yes, yes I did.

Husband butterfly: It kinda tasted like my mother's roses did.
No roses taste now like my mother's roses used to.
Wife butterfly: How can you tell? They all taste like dirt. Besides, are you saying that MY roses don't taste as good as your mother's did? Because let me tell you mister...if you washed your hind feet a little more you'd be able to tell that MY roses are better than your mother's ever did, and besides did your mother work outside the home AND raise your children from hell AND have to put up with a husband that doesn't wash his hind feet? Because let me tell you, if she did......

Husband butterfly: (Sigh).





3. Only female mosquitoes bite.
Of course, it is the PMS. Our blood tastes like chocolate to them.






4. Mosquitoes are attracted to the color blue twice as much as
to any other color.
And they say animals are colorblinded! Who knew that mosquitoes could see color?
So if you go into the woods, wear your black jeans, not your blue ones. They must know that our blood is really blue (until oxygen hits it, then it turns red). Smart little buggers, aren't they?





5. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
All right. Don't go in the desert wandering around looking for scorpions to do this to just for jollies. That is cruel.
Wait, I'm talking about scorpions here....never mind....go ahead! (I'll wait here, hiding under my couch).






6. Every night, wasps bite into the stem of a plant, lock their mandibles
(jaws) into position, stretch out at right angles to the stem, and, with legs dangling, fall asleep.

Heck, I call that foreplay where I come from.
Unless I feel like spooning. Then there is less dangling.



7. Ants stretch when they wake up. They also appear to yawn in a very human
manner before taking up the tasks of the day.
I know, what is with all the BUG useless tidbits today?
I don't know, I am on a roll.

So back to the ants.
I want to know who had a hidden camera to catch ants exactly when they wake up to know this?
And how can you TELL they just woke up? Their little eyelids flutter? Do ants even HAVE eyelids?

And yawn? With those creepy mandible fangy things they have? YIKES!
I am going to have nightmares tonight about HUGE blue whale tongues, being bitten by FEMALE mosquitos (they like blue remember?) beside a squirming, drunken scorpion and a stretching, yawning ant who is bored with it all.




8. Bees have 5 eyes. There are 3 small eyes on the top of a bee's head and 2
larger ones in front.
I bet Mom bees really DO see everything their little brat bee kids are doing behind
their back.
Mom Bee: Junior, stop pinching your sister!
Junior: I wasn't pinching her, MOM.

Mom Bee: Don't lie to me, you little buzzer! I can SEE you, you know..every which way, top or front....so just knock it off!
Junior: I'm allowed to knock her off? Suzie....come heeeeerrrrrr........

Mom Bee: (Sigh).




9. The outdoor temperature can be estimated to within several degrees by timing the chirps of a cricket. It is done this way: count the number of chirps in a 15-second period, and add 37 to the total. The result will be very close to the actual Fahrenheit temperature. This formula, however, only works in warm weather.
OMG. I am TOTALLY going to try this.
But the question is, WHO even NOTICED this phenomenon? Who started counting the chirps of a cricket and then realized they needed to add 37 (not 38, and not 39 and not even 36...but 37) to it and it would tell you the fahrenheit temperature????
Someone VERRRRRY bored???? I can see it now...laying in bed...can't sleep.....hmmmm...think I will count sheep. Nope, I'm up to 12,345 sheep now...not working.....Wait!...what is that sound outside?....oh..crickets! Will they EVER shut up?.... Oh well, I will count the chirps they make.....hmmmm...they are all chirping 40 times.....then 40 times again....then 40 times again. Crap...now I can't sleep because of the damn crickets....won't just ONE of the little buggers chirp 21 times or 19 times.....nope...damn..... another one chirped 40 times...I cannot take this!!!...I'll get up and make coffee....and check the temperature outside...hmmm..it is 77 degrees...............................
(ten years pass)......
(another sleepless night occurs).....
damn, MORE crickets chirping again....shit!!!...I have that big meeting tomorrow.....wait a minute!!...remember when that night happened where I couldn't sleep...and I counted the crickets chirping?:....and they all chirped exactly 40 times???.....and it was 77 degrees out?...hmmm...I wonder if every chirp plus, oh...I don't know...37...would add up to the temp. outside?.....let's see...this time they are chirping 38 times.....and that plus 37 equals 75...I'll get up and check the thermometer.........GOOD GRIEF>>I am RIGHT...it is 75 degrees out!!!! Shit! Who can I call and tell about this????
(yawns)
....maybe tomorrow...all of a sudden I feel verrrry sleeeeeepy............




10. In the United States, a pound of potato chips cost two hundred times more than a pound of potatoes.
And a helluva lot more to lose the weight CAUSED by those very same potato chips. Not to mention the cost of all of those Doctor visits to take care of the high cholesterol they caused......

Isn't life grand?

19 comments:

DJan said...

Some of these are bordering on... useful! I will try to remember what to do if I see a scorpion, and I was actually amazed to learn that ants yawn! What fun trivia, I will be smiling all day today...

Alan Burnett said...

Absolutely fascinating. Thanks for enlightening me.

Eva Gallant said...

those aren't useless tidbits! You make us laugh with them, and that is good for our health and longevity!

Ramblin Mama said...

So, this is what a Michigan winter can do to your mind, huh? I bet these studies were all studied by Congressional study groups, probably under cover of "National Security" issues.

Brian Miller said...

ha loved the little conversation between the butterflies. i imagine if blue whales could french kiss...oh nevermind...too gross...next time i go into the desert maybe a 5th to pour around my sleeping bag...or in my boots...

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Funny, Joan... My question has always been:"Who has time in their lives to research this stuff and find it out????" Maybe that's how some of our Govt. Stimulus money was spent.... har har har

Hugs,
Betsy

Cathy Clementz said...

You are on a roll!! Where do come up with all these little photos to go along with them??

Insanitykim said...

I loved the bug info! Hahahha!

And, I so want to try the cricket thing, except there are no less than 12,346 crickets outside my door in the summer at night, AND two competing tree frogs so...I'll just check the temp some other way... ;)

The Retired One said...

DJan: I love looking trivia up to do these because they are fun.

Alan: I know! Enquiring minds want to know!

Eva: thanks honey. I'll have to name them mental health tidbits. ha

Ramblin: You are (sadly) probably right.

Brian: Don't be wasting a Fifth on the scorpions now! :-}

Betsy: har har har? That cracked me up....

Cathy: I always use Stockfotos! They have almost any type of picture you would ever want!

Insanity: Wow, that is a LOT of crickets.ha I thought that was amazing!

Ratty said...

I really love this trivia post of yours, especially the nature stuff. I think I'm going to go on a scorpion hunt now.

Bernie said...

Love the trivia and your sense of humor...still laughing....:-) Hugs

SquirrelQueen said...

I really love the bug trivia, some of those I have heard. I once tried to count the cricket chirps but there were hundreds of them so I wasn't sure which one I was counting. Yep, I really tried it!

RNSANE said...

Only a retired RN ( I am one
myself ) could come up with this stuff! It is sad what being a nurse does to our brains and our senses of humor over the years!!! If we even have a brain left by the time we
retire ( my three sons think mine is gone ).

The Retired One said...

Ratty: Don't be looking for scorpions, now...that's too dangerous! Stick to your squirrels! ha

Bernie: Then I have done my duty for the day. :-}

SquirrelQueen: I never thought of that ...trying to separate single chirps and counting them.

RNSane: Yes, us nurses have SICK senses of humor...that's why I love my peers. :-}

A Lady's Life said...

loved this Thanks:)

The Retired One said...

A Lady: So glad! Hope you visit again soon!

Fran Hill @ Being Miss said...

Loved this post. Nine comments about animals and insects, and then one about chips. Were you getting hungry by the end?!

The Retired One said...

Fran Hill: Maybe I was! ha....maybe some chocolate covered grasshoppers instead of the chips? :-}

Qoddess said...

You've been quoted on my blog:
http://qoddessquotesblogs.blogspot.com/

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I retired in June 2008 and started my blog in November 2008. I worked at several jobs as a Registered Nurse prior to retirement. I LOVE being retired! Blogging has offered me a whole new venue to start writing again and to share new hobbies such as gardening, birdwatching and sharing my nature photography. If you like my blog, PLEASE click on "follow this blog". Having a lot of followers reading my blog gives me incentive to continue to do photography and to continue to write. I also LOVE comments, so I encourage you to leave me a comment after you read my posts. Thanks everyone, for taking the time to read me!!

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