Blogger Butt

I am no "House", but, as a (retired) nurse, give me a symptom and I can rattle off a list of possible diagnoses that may be the culprit of your ailments that will make you run for the nearest thermometer, hot water bottle and probably also double check your will.

But I didn't see this one coming.

I had no idea that once I started a blog and began to spew out all the writing (that my fingers can barely keep up with on the keyboard) that has been bottled up inside me for years.... that a sneaky physical ailment was attacking me that entire time, also.

First it begins with some tingling.

Then it progresses to pangs in your back and shoulders so tender that even if George Clooney tapped your shoulder, you'd turn around and smack the shit out of him.

If you are a fellow blogger, you know exactly some of the blogger symptoms I am talking about.

Not only that, but now you only talk in grunts to anyone in the same room with you if you are on your computer.

You may have some recollection that they possibly said something to you, but you aren't positive. (Did he just say that he got a penis tattoo?) (You were too busy blogging to know for sure.)

Anyway, the Mother of Symptoms that got to me today was Blogger's Butt.

A numbness so profound that I swear they could have branded me like cattle and I would say, "Geez, that warmth was kind of nice....could you move it a little to the left and a little lower?"

Evidently, (unknown to me)....if one sits and blogs too long without a potty break or position change, Blogger's Butt attacks without mercy.

Who knew?

I am sure the second stage of this horrible affliction is that the butt widens in size and probably sags too.

It just isn't going to be pretty.

The only good thing is that now, when I am people-watching at the Mall, I can easily identify my fellow-bloggers.....

I will instantly spot them. Walking along, they will be slowly rubbing their sagging, slightly-widened behinds, silently mumbling (or absent-mindedly nodding) at whoever is with them (because they are really a thousand miles away, thinking of what they are going to write in their next blog).

But since it may be just a little bit rude to ask if they are similarly afflicted with Blogger's Butt, maybe I need to learn our secret handshake instead?

Anyway, now I know how to get rich quick.......
Hallmark card's for "Hope your Blogger's Butt is feeling better." If Pet Rocks can make it, why not?