More Dumb State Laws: Georgia

Yes.

It is time again for another installment of DUMB STATE LAWS, with MY COMMENTS in bold italics.

This time?

The GREAT state of GEORGIA:




Shall we begin, then?:

1. The term “sadomasochistic abuse” is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit.
Now I know you will have this little scene in your mind forever. Let's repeat: you cannot handcuff another person in a clown suit lest you be charged for sadomasochistic abuse in Georgia. I don't know about you, but clown sexual fantasies has never been on my top ten list. Clowns are creepy. (especially ever since Stephen King's novel: "It" for me).

2. All sex toys are banned.
Georgia is just a no-fun state, now isn't it? Wonder how they enforce this law? Do they do a bedroom check at every house and every hotel? What if you fly into Georgia? Do they check your luggage at the airport like customs? Wonder what the sentence/fine is if they find them?
If any of you playful couples are planning on taking a vacation to Georgia, make sure you know this!

3. It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.
I guess it wouldn't be appropriate to whisper to the guy next to you (while you are viewing the body): "Why, damn it, he looks like hell!" , then, would it?
They might arrest you right there on the spot.
No exclamations when you see the person died, like "Shit!" or "Well, sonofabitch!"
Or if you are at the Coroner's office trying to solve a murder, you can't exclaim: "you mean he was fu-king poisoned by his wife?"
Nope, not in Georgia.

4. Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
Well, get your asses in the shower, then!

5. No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.
That will be very inconvenient. Because EVERYBODY carries an ice cream cone in their back pocket, especially on Sunday. Its right up there with a cucumber in their pants, you know what I mean?
Honey, your pants are leaking!
No, dear...that is the illegal ice cream cone in my back pocket. I got it after church because I am a rabble rowser.

6. In Acworth: All citizens must own a rake.
Obviously, this is a very leafy area of Georgia.
They don't do census taking, they ring your doorbell and pronounce: "let me see your mandatory rake!". "And your baby's too!"

7. In Athens-Clarke County: If you want to read your favorite book in public to your friends, do it before 2:45 AM.
Vonceil, do you hear our neighbors readin' a book out on the veranda? It isn't after 2:45am is it, darlin'? Because if it is, I'm gonna call the Sheriff!"


8. and: It is illegal to sell two beers at once for a single price. For example, a bar can’t run a 2 Bud Lights for $5 special.
This is Georgia, folks. Back there in the hills, I hear you ken git two Bud lights for $2.50 a piece, but shoot, don't y'all sell them two for $5.00, 'cuz we hear that's eeeeee-legal!

9. Though being forced to close your business is bad enough, Athens-Clarke County forces one to obtain a license before holding a Going-Out-Of-Business sale.
Well, shoot. Then that means you probably gotta get a tax license to do your taxes too.

10. Also in Athens-Clarke County: Persons under the age of 16 may not play pinball after 11:00 PM.
But, they can still read their favorite book out loud in public to their friends from 11p to 2:45a, as long as they aren't buying two beers for $5.00.

11. Also: On Mondays, it is illegal for one to whistle very loud after 11:00 PM.
Ok, so let's get this straight (one more time). If its Monday,and they are under 16, they can whistle and play pinball up to 10:59pm at which time they can read their favorite book outloud to their friends up to 2:44am, and since no ages were mentioned yet about ages, they might be able to drink beer as long as they don't buy two for one money. Evidently if it is between Tuesday and Sunday, all bets are off and they can go ahead and whistle very loud any dang time. This is getting really confusing!

12. Also in Athens-Clarke County: You may not get drunk on “The Bus".
So you can just drive drunk then. Or call a taxi. That is, unless the Taxi driver is a bit tipsy.

13. Also in Athens-Clarke County, Georgia: Alabama slingshots may not be used in the city limits.
Because we all know that ALABAMA slingshots are much more deadly than Georgia-made slingshots. I guess they are ok to use in the city limits, then? What about those Ohio made ones?

14. In Atlanta: It is against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
I suppose you could put your showered Asses there, or just leave your giraffe loose. Its going to be hard to see them in traffic, though...unless you have a moon roof on your pickup.

15. Also in Atlanta: One man may not be on another man’s back.
Man I wish my last job (and boss) would have been in Atlanta. Because he was ALWAYS on everybody's back.

16. In Columbus: It is illegal to carve your initials on a tree, even if it is on your own property.
Now, that is downright un-romantic.
Evidently it is okay to carve cuss words, slogans or speeches on the trees though, just not our initials. Or maybe someone else's initials.

17. Also in Columbus: Cussing over the telephone is against the law.
Whoa...those jails are going to be realllllly full in Georgia,then.

18. Also in Columbus: No one may tease an idiot.
I don't know about you, but this one just made me laugh.
Read it out loud again, in a southern, Georgian accent.
Go ahead.
I'll wait.
There, it made you smile, didn't it?
(If you didn't smile, you must be an idiot).
Guess you can't tease their politicians then, right?

19. Also in Columbus: It is illegal to wear a hat in a movie theater.
Not even if you are cold.
And if you wear a hat in a Georgia movie theater, make sure and remember it against the law if they tease you by calling you an idiot. (see No. 18 above for further information).

20. Also in Columbus: To swim in any pond in the city, one must wear a ‘suitable bathing suit’.
I wonder what the definition of a "suitable" bathing suit is?
And wait...why would you swim in a city POND? I can see a lake or even a big river, but a city pond?
They must of had some skinny dippers up to no good in order to have to make this a law there?

21. Also in Columbus: Picnics are prohibited in graveyards.
Well, dang it Billy Bob, now whatcher goin' to do this comin' Saturday night?
Where are we gonna bring the girls on our dates? We can't swim in the city pond in our skivvies either~

22. Also in Columbus: No person may be buried under a sidewalk of a cemetery.
Alot of Georga citizens are going to be disappointed...they hoped to bury their first husbands/wives there so they could "walk all over" them for a change.

23. Also in Columbus: Bars may not hold a “Lady’s Night".
What? Say it isn't so!!! No special bargains on drinks for the ladies? How else are those men going to pick up women and take them to the graveyards for a hot picnic date?

24. Also in Columbus: The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it.
So, go ahead, shoot 'em up...no penalties for having a full-blown human arcade game in Georgia, no Siree...
Heeee Hawwww!

25 Also in Columbus: It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.
I am dying of curiosity to see why they needed a law about this one!
Maybe a full blown breakfast of eggs, ham, toast, hashbrowns and grits is mandatory on Sundays there...no wimpy Corn Flakes allowed! Maybe they figured the carbs would make people dose off in church and the Preacher wouldn't have THAT!!

26. Also in Columbus: It is illegal to carry a chicken by it’s feet down Broadway on Sunday.
Just carry it by hanging on to its neck or go down Main Street instead of on Broadway. Somehow I want to sing the song "on Broadway" when I heard that law (because there must be a way to put chickens in the lyrics somewhere!?)

27. In Gainsville: Chicken must be eaten with the hands.
Hmm. No forks? Maybe that's why Kentucky fried chicken's logo is "finger lickin' good"? They must have been to Gainsville, Georgia to eat.

28. In Jonesboro: It is illegal to say “Oh, Boy.
Go ahead and swear though. They must be used to it..because Oh Boy is against the law. Go ahead and say WTF???? It is much better to hear.

29. In Kennesaw: Every head of household must own a gun.
So let me get this straight. In SOME parts of Georgia, every citizen must have a rake.....and in some parts of Georgia, every head of household must own a gun. Well, they better get better tool sheds to hold all the shit that is mandatory.
And if you noticed, they didn't say every household head must have bullets. Just the gun. And if you are in Georgia reading this, don't say "Oh Boy!" about this or my comments, either.

30. In Marietta: Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
Billy Bob, of course we are gonna spit from our trucks...how else are we goin' get rid of our chew?

31. In Quitman: It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.
Of course it is, because they got sick of the joke: Why did the chicken cross the road?
And besides, if you gotta eat chickens with your hands, they don't want your hands to get all dirty from their little dusty feet. Especially on Broadway in Columbus, Georgia.

32. In Roswell: The flooring of adult bookstores and video stores must be nonabsorbant and smooth textured.
Think about this one for just a moment.
Now take a deep breath and say: EEEE-ew.

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That's it for the Georgia Dumb State Laws, folks!
Stay tuned for future installments of more dumb state laws coming up in my blog, near you!

And if you are from Georgia, don't worry...I will be just as brutal when it comes to making fun of my home state when we hit the dumb laws from Michigan. (I am doing them in alphabetical order, so it will be a little while before I get there.)

P.S. I got my computer back...YAY for me ! The good news is that it appears to have all my pictures saved. The bad news is that I tried to download all my Florida pictures on it today and it will not do it from my camera. (sigh). So I will call the gurus back on Monday to have them walk me through it. I tried to reload my camera's software and it will not let me download to it or Picasa.
So hang tight, those Florida pictures really were nice and I will be back to posting more photography as soon as I can for you. Hopefully some time in 2010!!!