More Local Police Reports!!

I decided to give your eyes a break from nature photographs today.

Ahh..yes..readers....time again for more local police reports, along with MY COMMENTS in bold italics!!


If you haven't been reading my blog very long, you snooze, you lose then I will explain:


Our community evidently doesn't get much crime, so they print the police reports from pychos that have no life so they call this shit into the police wasting precious county funds that came in (in our local newspaper). This provides much comedy to yours truly, and of course is open season for blogging.


So go ahead and scan this particular day's awful crimes in Marquette, Michigan and then you will see my attempt at humor comments below the newspaper clipping:

1. Upset over lack of garbage pick up. Well, hell ya..call the police. Because you KNOW that has to be SOME kind of crime. Book 'em Dano..."garbage collection 312". Too many hefty bags in one spot. Go find the Sanitation Engineers and smack 'em around a little to get the real truth of the crime out of them. Maybe they left some other hefties in an alley somewhere and it is a whole ring of crime.

2. Man with child kicked an adult goose? Well, isn't he going to get the Father of the Year award? I can hear it now. "This is what I am going to do to you Junior, if you don't shape up!" "You gonna cry? Well, here..I will give you something to cry about!" (on second thought, I think I would have called the police if I saw some man doing this too!)

3. Obviously this is the child that had the Father of the Year kicking the goose. Violence begats violence, right? However, let me get this straight. Someone called the police because a child with a sword or play dagger attacked them? Maybe it wasn't a PLAY dagger or play sword..maybe it was a REAL dagger or REAL sword? So many details missing on this one....but if it was a PLAY dagger or PLAY sword, this is probably some old biddy lady who can't get into super hero play. Maybe Maxine?

4. Gee, I wonder what kind of "hand gestures" those WERE?? The In-laws drove by using hand gestures. Bwaaahahahahhaaaaa. I think this calls for some family counseling, don't you? Naww. we will just call the police. Come to think of it, maybe they had already called the police about something the in-laws had done and maybe that's why they drove by "using hand gestures". Oh, I would love to hear the rest of that story.....or....maybe not.

5. What a GREAT idea. We have a couple of rusty old fold-up lawn chairs hanging around. I think I will just sneak them on my neighbor's porch and run away like hell leave them somewhere so I don't have to take them to the dump. Unless of course it is the first guy's house (where he will call the police if the garbage isn't picked up from his house).

6. SOME women would LOVE to find a man in their hot tub. C'mon, how convenient is THAT? I don't think he should have destructed property, but it is bound to happen when you are trying to grab a slippery hunka hunka burnin' love out of your wet hot tub. Now ME? I would have poured a few bottles of bleach in the tub, turned the jets up to HIGH and let him scrub out the tub for me. (Knowing that the bleach may cause him third degree burns a little skin discomfort in the process. But his doolittle would be squeaky clean and disinfected, now wouldn't it?

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I know.

You are TOTALLY jealous you don't live in our crime-filled, exciting-beyond-belief area.

Just THINK of the murder mysteries you could author from the real-life crimes of passion we have here...