Dumb State Laws: California!

Yes!
It is time, once again for Dumb State Laws discussion.

Up next:
The wonderful state of California!





Here are some of the dumb state laws still on the books in California, along with MY COMMENTS in bold italics, of course!:

1. Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. (Well, isn't that special? They have made it a law that the sun shines. Wonder if God, or Mother Nature for that matter....knew about this? Who gets arrested if the state goes through a period of no sunshine?)

2. Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. (I am sure they know about this! When they are feeling a little "randy", they will just make sure they measure the distance from a tavern, school or place of worship with their toolbelt tape measure, so as not to get arrested.)

3. Bathhouses are against the law. (Must get a little stinky in California).

4. It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (Oh....ok. I will make sure that I bring my whale gun. Because, you know...there are so many in cars driving by these days.)

5. Women may not drive in a house coat. (Well, hell. What about in those MUMU dealies? or in the nude....is that okay?)

6. No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. (So I gotta quit putting those bricks on the gas pedal and letting my car go....Then again...I can just set the car speedometer on 55 without a driver and all will be all right. Besides, there won't be a woman in a housecoat driving it, so it must be legal.)

Arcadia:
7. Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways. (Well, of course they do. They are beautiful. All things beautiful have special rights in California, especially in Hollywood, right?)

Baldwin Park:
8. Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. (Well, damn. There goes my plan for my next birthday party!)

Belvedere:
9. City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash. (It is imperative that mean Masters without rabies shots are kept on a leash. No one wants THEM going loose, endangering others.)

Blythe:
10. You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows. (Well, that seems reasonable, don't you think? After all, you shouldn't wear tennis shoes, unless you own two tennis courts (especially in California) right?)

Burlingame:
11. It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds. (Of course you can spit in baseball diamonds....you wouldn't have any players, umpires or coaches otherwise!)

Cathedral City:
12. One may not bring their dog to school. (Dang! It is the only fun thing at school! How else will he learn to bark in French?)

Chico:
13. One must obtain a permit from the city to throw hay in a cesspool. (Well now I can't ride my bike in the pool on my birthday, and now the activities have to be cancelled too. It just isn't fair!)

14. It is illegal to own a green or smelly animal hide. (Better tell those starlets in Hollywood...do not, I repeat, do NOT wear a green mink!)

15. Bowling on the sidewalk is illegal. (There goes my backup plan for the birthday party activities. No throwing hay in a cesspool and now THIS!)

16. Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine. (Who will be left to fine the person who does this? So...never mind...go ahead.)

Dana Point:
17. One may not use one’s own restroom if the window is open. (Well, so much for fresh air when it is needed the most. Must be a noise pollution law?)

Downey:
18. It is illegal to wash your car in the street. (You can't bowl on the street, and you can't wash your car! But if you want to get the permit to throw hay in the cesspool, as long as the cesspool is in the street, sounds like its a GO.)

El Monte:
19. Waitresses are not allowed to consume drinks bought by her customers. (Well now else are you supposed to get free doubles and a happy waitress? Now they are all going to be pissy.)

Eureka:
20. Persons may not sleep on a road. (Because someone may break the law and wash their car there and you may drown? Oh, wait a minute, maybe its because so many people are illegally bowling there. Yeah. That's it. No wait, it is because if you set your car under 60 miles per hour, it may be legal for the car to be driven without a driver...yeah. That's it.)

21. Men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women. (Wow, there will be a lot less babies born in California, then. Is it okay for females to have the moustaches? Whew. Then, being postmenopasual: I am still okay.)

Fresno:
22. Permanent markers may not be sold in the city limits. (They are probably being purchased by females so they can draw mustaches on all their ugly dates. Confused about this comment? Read #21 again.)

23. It is illegal to sell gasoline to a drunken person. (How about it being illegal to sell booze to a drunken person. Lets not forget THAT possibility, shall we? Oh yeah. Also, how about it making illegal for them to DRIVE. I mean, their car may still have a full tank yet, with lots of mileage in it to kill people.)

24. Elementary schools may not host poker tournaments. (First no dogs in school and now THIS? How else are they supposed to learn math????)

25. Getting drunk on a playground is against the law. (It is okay as long as you don't sell gas to any body else while there. Besides, how else are the teachers supposed to make it through their day?)

Glendale:
26. One may not take his dog on an elevator with him. (What if it is a seeing eye dog? Oh, I get it. THAT is why the elevator numbers are always written in braille.)

27. A person must be 18 years old to buy a wax container. (I've got nothin'? Maybe they don't want anyone younger than 18 to suffer a bikini wax due to the torture involved?)

28. It is illegal to jump into a passing car. (Must be legal to jump OUT of a passing car then? Maybe it has to do with that law about a driverless car not being able to go over 60 mph?)

29. Cars may not be driven in reverse. (Wow. A lot of people are driving in circles in California, then. That explains the freeway congestion!)

Hermosa Beach:
30. Public restrooms must be supplied with toilet paper. (Okay, I totally agree with this one. Go California!!)

31. No person may show his or her buttocks on a playground. (Well, I don't see why not...because of the toilet paper supply requirement, they will obviously be clean. Oh, I get it...it is because the teachers can't have alcohol on the playgrounds).

Hollywood:
32. It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
(That would be baaaaad. (Sorry, I just couldn't help myself!))

Indian Wells:
33. It is illegal for a trumpet player to play his instrument with the intention of luring someone to a store. (So the Pied Piper is still okay? Because that is a flute, right?)

34. Drinking intoxicating cement is prohibited. (I thought that Screwdriver was filling! Maybe they thought that is what gave them the hard abs?)

35. Fortelling the future for donations is illegal. ( I predict that there are no donations involved...they outright CHARGE people, now...no donations involved.)

Lodi:
36. It is illegal to shoot “silly string” at parade participants. (I refuse to go to the Rose Parade this year then. They are taking all the fun out of it).

Lompoc:
37. It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. (Too much cock a doodle doo going on in California, I guess. Going to be really hard to fertilize all the hen's eggs there!)

Long Beach:
38. Cars are the only item allowed in a garage. (Boy, I am so glad I don't live in Long Beach. I don't think most of us can fit our CAR into the garage!)

39. It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course. (It would be impossible for me to play, then!)

Los Angeles:

40.It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent. (Well , obviously the wife beaters are unaware of this. The next time he starts up, I hope they quote this little jewel to him. I am sure he will cease.)

41. You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time. (The Octomom is in bigggggg trouble. So is Kate.)

42. You may not hunt moths under a street light. (Again: they keep ruining my birthday activity plans!)

43. It is illegal to cry on the witness stand. (Yes. Forget that they murdered your entire family, burned down your house and violated your Grandma. Stiff upper lip!)

44. Toads may not be licked. (Shit! Just kiss them to find your prince...no licking, do you hear me?)

45. It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church. (We already knew this from the other one way up above. Gheesh. They seem up tight about animal copulation. Didn't they read the Bible where is says: Go forth and mulitiply??)

46. Zoot suits are prohibited. (Does the Godfather know this? So much for my costume party.)

Norco:
47. All persons wishing to keep a rhinoceros as a pet must obtain a $100 license first. (Silly, you didn't know this? And don't be throwing their dirty hay in the cesspool either! I think you can wash him on the street, though...unlike your car).

Ontario:
48. Roosters may not crow in the city limits. (What is it and California and roosters? Its rooster discrimination, I tell you! Besides, has anyone TOLD the roosters about this law?)

Pacific Grove:
49. It is illegal to molest butterflies. (Oh Boy. If a guy has small enough "equipment", I say...go for it!)

Palm Springs:
50. It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm

Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM.
(Shriners: remember this when you come to the next convention in Palm Springs!)

Pasadena:
51. It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss. (Did Monica Lewinski know this? Never mind...that was Washington D.C.! Besides she wasn't his secretary...just an intern!)
(Did anyone else notice that the law assumes the boss is a MAN? Humph.)

Portola:
52. It is illegal to fish from an overpass in the city. (You will undoubtedly run out of lures and fishing line anyway.. I mean the way they speed? Look Harry, I hooked that Corvette...ooooh.....woops!)

53. No person may carry a fish into a bar. (Okay. That's it. rooster and fish discrimination is going on in our country. Right in California! Something has to be done about this, people!)

Prunedale:
54. Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house. (With a name like Prunedale, they are going to not only enforce the toilet paper thing, but they better revoke this one. We need Prunedale to make sure they allow more bathtubs for cleaner bottoms!)

Riverside:
55. One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o’clock. (Isn't that lunch time?
So much for carryout at McDonalds!)

San Diego:
56. It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar. (Well, they may not respect roosters, butterflies and fish in California, but at least they respect rabbits!)

57. The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250. (Go California. I am WITH them on this one. The lazy bastards should remove them by then! If I have to freeze my ass up north to take them down by then, then THEY should be made to do so too!)

San Francisco:
58. Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash. (Right beside the camels, evidently).

59. It is illegal to wipe one’s car with used underwear. (How about in Prunesdale? Oh, I get it. That would be dirty underwear, due to the no-2-bathtubs-in-any-house rule). (Besides, you can't get much cleaning mileage out of a thong).

60. Persons classified as “ugly” may not walk down any street. (I see less and less people strolling the streets these days, how about you?)

61. It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner. (Shit.)
( Exactly!)

62. Giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited. (Hooo Boy. Does anyone know this? Especially in San Francisco? And, who wants to start enforcing THIS one!?)

Temecula:
63. Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California

St. (But evidently, not roosters! Bird discrimination, bird discrimination!!!)

Walnut:
64. Ice cream men must obtain a license before selling any ice cream from their car. (Come here, pretty lady. I've got something for you.......)

65. Males may not dress as a female unless a special permit is obtained from the sheriff. (Cross dressers beware!!!! Again, in California...this law would be unenforeable, folks! Besides, wasn't Tootsie filmed there?)

Whew! That was the most laws in my series of dumb states thus far!
I am going alphabetically, so if your state is after California, be prepared. Your state will be discussed soon......