Top Ten Lame Excuses for Not Wanting Sex.....

As you age, you find libido sometimes lagging behind, and sometimes you don't even mind. Same thing when you are a new mom and just plain exhausted from your day and the only thing that sounds like "an afternoon delight" is a long, long nap (by yourself, away from the husband and kids).
So, that got me to thinking of what the TOP TEN lame excuses and conversations wives might use (through the years) for not wanting sex.
(You know how I love my LISTS!)
So here they are:

1. But honey, we just changed the sheets. We don't want to get them dirty do we? Do YOU want to change the sheets and re-make the bed? (I didn't think so!)

2. I don't have a headache, but my stomach is kinda upset. I think the pressure would make me sick. Where did you put the bucket that I usually use to throw up in?

3. We are completely out of kleenex. And toilet paper. And, all the towels and washcloths we own are in the laundry. We have no paper towels, either.

4. I just got my hair done AND I have a Doctor's (GYN) appointment AND a job interview tomorrow. You don't want them to know we had SEX right before I went there, do you?

5. We have company. What if they HEAR us?

6. I have a crook in my neck, I must have slept on it funny. I really think sex would make it worse. Besides, is that the baby I hear crying? Oh, and the puppy is whining to go out and pee. Can you take care of that?

7. I'll be late for work. Oh, yeah right...I'm retired. Ummm..I'll be late for taking my morning pills. Oh, that's right, I'm not on any, am I? But Honey, I think you didn't take your pills yet. Honey,come and take a look at the new chin hairs I just discovered yesterday. Gross, huh?

8. I think I hurt my back from moving the couch yesterday, I really should give it a rest. Or, do you really think you want to chance it and have me crippled forever?

9. Did you see this new rash I just got? I think the little pimples have some sort of liquid in them. Do you think its catchy? Wanna touch it?

10. I just took an Aleve for my arthritis. That would kind of defeat the purpose, wouldn't it? You don't want me to be in worse pain would you? Iheard somewhere that arthritis symptoms are closely related to another terminal connective tissue disease I read about in nursing school. I could be dead in less than a month. How can you think of sex at a time when I could be terminally ill?

So: What are some of YOUR excuses?????????????????????????????????